And as of now, I just send out a half-dozen "No" replies.... to remind me that January, for me, is a time of refocus and get clear on what I really want, not just what's "good enough."

This comment / insight from Brian really brought it all together for me:

"The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good.'" - Brian Johnson

And challenged me to consider how many things I do that I'm -good- at, but perhaps aren't enabling me to really live my best. And he reminds me that there's a lot of "Nos" (ironically to opportunity) waiting in my email inbox.

Philosopher's Notes has tones of great quotes for me to use on Twitter and Facebook :)

(Vishen was right!)

For me, it first started by being honest with myself and acknowledging my feelings - AND - actively choosing not to immediately respond. I felt angry, hurt, sad, whatever. However, instead of doing something with those feelings, I just allowed myself to have them quietly.

Then I'd pause and ask myself all the reasons why somebody might have done what they did. Look at the "bad day" so to speak.

And lastly, I'd ask myself why I might have taken what they said personally. Just as other peoples' actions have stories behind them, it's important to recognize that our own actions and reactions have stories behind them as well.

So if you find yourself feeling angry, start asking yourself why that action makes you angry. Perhaps underneath the anger, you will discover a feeling of fear... and then ask why you might feel fearful. And then if you discover why you feel fearful, inquire into why, and why, and why.

It can be a little cerebral, so if you can also -feel- where in your body the reaction occurs... is the anger in your heart or your head? Is the sadness in your belly or your heart? etc.

Locating the -feeling- can be a really powerful clue to looking at WHY you feel a certain way... WHY you are reacting the way you do.

The short version of all the above is: When you can understand -your- story, and the other person's -story- you become enabled to not take their actions personally, and to begin to re-wire your own actions/reactions and choose new responses.

It's not easy to overcome the social programming, the "domestication," that we've experienced since childhood... it takes often many years. Yet, in alignment with the Four Agreements - we just do our best, and sometimes our best is merely saying, "I'm angry, I'm going to hit a pillow, and hopefully not hurt anybody." and other days or best is, "This isn't about me, I felt angry, I understand the truth, and now I don't feel angry anymore."

Day to day, CANI... Kaizen... all the ideas Brian weaved together in this Philosopher's Notes are the answers to your question.