I have fallen into this trap.. I LOVE birthdays.. your birthday.. my birthday.. your cousin's best friend's sister's birthday.... and if i'm in a relationship.. I HATE when I can't do it big.. I mean hate it.. I wanna throw some big surprise something ..with you getting stuff at work, a note for you waiting at the gym... fun out with family then a party with friends... and I've been with a few women who just wanted to hang at the house... chill with me... BORING.. we do that all the time!!! It's your birthday!! So, its really hard to temper my desires in order to give my partner what she wants.. especially because sometimes that gamble on the big surprise (flying surprise with your friends.. loved ones in from out of town, a party with all your besties) can REALLY pay off.... But at the end of the day.. nothing in the world can make up for making your boo feel like you don't care enough to really listen to what they say and what they want. That's the part of love that's selfless..

<div class="idc-message" id="idc-comment-msg-div-288394455"><a class="idc-close" title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(288394455)"><span>Close Message</span> Comment posted. <p class="idc-nomargin"><a class="idc-share-facebook" target="_new" href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2 Fwww.singleblackmale.org%2F2012%2F02%2F08%2Flessons-in-love-the-one-thing-she-really-wanted%2F#IDComment288394455&t=I%20just%20commented%20on%20Lessons%20in%20Love%3A%20The%20One%20Thing%20She%20Really%20Wanted%20-%20Single%20Black%20Male" style="text-decoration: none;"><span class="idc-share-inner"><span>Share on Facebook</span></span> or <a href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(288394455)">Close MessageI have fallen into this trap.. I LOVE birthdays.. your birthday.. my birthday.. your cousin's best friend's sister's birthday.... and if i'm in a relationship.. I HATE when I can't do it big.. I mean hate it.. I wanna throw some big surprise something ..with you getting stuff at work, a note for you waiting at the gym... fun out with family then drinks with friend... but I've been with women who want just a quiet dinner... hanging out at the house... no big fuss... BORING.. we do that all the time!!! It's your birthday!! So, its really hard to temper my desires in order to give my partner what she wants.. especially because sometimes that gamble on the big surprise (flying surprise with your friends.. loved ones in from out of town, a party with all your besties) can REALLY pay off.... But at the end of the day.. nothing in the world can make up for making your boo feel like you don't care enough to really listen to what they say and what they want. That's the part of love that's selfless..

Well CNN suspended him for his comments. I am not really sure how I feel about it. I think that his comments weren't exactly anti-gay, but they did imply that something was wrong if a man was as excited/aroused by the commercial as (some) women were, which isn't exactly cool. Like I tried to explain to my coworkers who often tell me that stuff white people say and do isnt intended to be racist... If it rubs me the wrong way.. then that's an issue and if you respect me when you will respect that. You can't blame the person who is offended for feeling so. And when you are in the spotlight, we are all watching... be careful. And I'm sure a bunch of men had some stirrings after that commercial cause it was HAWT!

Let the church say "AMEN!" This right here.. is getting shared with my students tomorrow as we continue our hero unit and open up Black History Month!! Now back to a Michael Jackson "Glee."

I teach middle school and this is far more common than the internet would let you believe.. If it were my son or daughter we'd be in counseling and I'd use my village to educate them.. I learned so much more about life and repercussions from my cousins who had no problem dogging girls who they were with at the moment and telling ALL of their business...

If it were a boy, I'd be clueless.. I don't know what to do with the male students I teach.. more than not I shake my heads at send them to a male teacher to deal with their recklessness and hormonal spontaneity.. who has any clue whats going on with a manchild? I don't and I'll admit it.

If it were my daughter, I'd get her involved in community service and other activities to build her self worth outside of what she can do for a boy to like her.

I've also learned that girls can be the aggressors in more situations that I EVER could've thought. So I'd make sure that my son knew that he didn't need to do that to be cool and let my daughter know that it wasnt cool at all to pressure anyone to do anything.

I'd probably transfer either child at the end of the semester to get a fresh start to allow them to make a change..and I'd definitely change my daughter's first name so that google didnt haunt her forever.

Lastly, I'd make sure that as a parent I was spending the time I needed to with my kids doing activities that build them up. I'd work less hours. I'd build family time. I'd create more structure and do all those things that can sometimes fall apart in the hectic nature of life.

I wasnt a wild girl.. but my mom showed me the Miracle of Life when I was 9, and at 10 she told me if I got pregnant she'd give me an abortion with a coat hanger on the dining room table. It scared the ish outta me.. and though I was 99% sure she was kidding... It was the 1% of fear that kept me straight and narrow.

And I went to a very diverse school, but I was blessed for it to be so full of diversity that me and my friends who wanted to play Girl Talk and 3-way on the phone were able to do that in such numbers that we were still cool.. While that other girls gave head on an audio tape--. I think it was a TalkBoy (Who's telling their age). If a school didnt offer a population where my daughter or son could be them comfortably, I'd do whatever was in my power to find them a place they can call alma mater after graduation.

Stop.. Grammar Time! In "Stress him out." the subject is the understood "you" and "him" is the direct object. But I feel you on the literal tip of the words vs the sentiment behind them.

I do agree with this.. I think speaking up on everything right away is a great way to get someone not wanting to come home to you cause what the hell you got to argue about now... I think we have to learn to decide what we need to bring to the table in other to have a healthy relationship and not what we want to say just cause your nerves get worked... No point in you working my nerves too just because... Sometimes you just have to take a step back and see if it's really important in a day or two... lots of times by the end of that second day... you straight.

I must agree with this in some cases.. I've seen it with mine own eyes.. and lived it once LOL sometimes single is absolutely a choice.

You missed my point... I am obsessed with food eat, so I love to cook.. Curiosity is my middle name, so i am a dedicated reader... I always about chasing goals.. so it keeps me grinding in the gym... Oooh and I have a love affair with television... unapologetically LOL

I was just interested to hear the other side of your perspective. LOL You can't seriously think I was seeking advice.

These comments make it seem like pursuing someone because you are interested in them for primarily sexual reasons is inherently wrong... And I don't get it... I'm single.. you're single... If you take my text messages and a date or two as us down the road of commitment and don't ask otherwise or communicate that you are in the market for more... I'm sorry. I mean I like to court for quality (hopefully) sex, as much as I like to court for a girlfriend.. it increased the anticipation.. raises the tension.. it's just a part of it. It's rude to call anyone just when you want something.. besides if you are a cool person.. I don't mind treating you to dinner.. and I do think about you throughout the day... but sue me if I'm more interested in your b00bs than your brains...

I courted a girl for almost a year because she made me work.. and I mean WORK for it... but in the meantime... I was definitely sleeping with women who didn't require that much work.. and I didn't see myself as disrespecting them... sometimes relationships (sexual, emotional, intimate) just don't work out... If you can't give up the goods without having your heart attached... it is ultimately your responsibility to not have sex with someone who has not made a commitment to protect your heart as well.