If you don't mind there being tons of misery (not of the Bury Your Gay types, just general grimdarkery), I recommend Kameron Hurley.

Her sci-fi with bug magic trilogy starts with God's War, and takes place on a clearly Islamic-founded planet, with a presumably Middle Eastern bisexual lady as the lead. Nyx is definitely an anti-hero, and lots of terrible shit happens, but it's a fun book if that's your speed.

The Mirror Empire starts her fantasy trilogy, which is a complicated book (seriously, she doesn't hold your hand, but it's so worth it). All of the characters are human, but she sets up societies with different gender structures (the initial society has 4 genders, and seem to be mostly unrelated to physical sex, another is a matriarchy, and a third has man/woman/neither as an explicit gender setup), there are all sorts of queer characters, most of whom are explicitly described as non-white (PoC is a bit harder to define in secondary-world fantasy, but they have brown or darker skin). But it's also really, really dark. Lots of death and desperation.

For straight-up romance, I really enjoyed Sword of the Guardian by Merry Shannon. The main premise is that a princess is saved by an assassination attempt by an acrobat. Her father discovers that the acrobat is actually a woman travelling as a man, and assigns her to be the princess's bodyguard, but the princess is unaware that "he" is actually a woman. Feelings, misunderstandings, and romance ensues.

Yes! Buy all the waistcoats! Buy all the ties! When I finally got a custom suit for a friend's wedding, I got so excited I bought like 8 different bowties to go with. And then realized I should *probably* not have a 2:1 tie:dress shirt ratio. It really doesn't answer the "Am I trans or just butch?" question, but it's nice to have clothes that feel both Adult and Like Oneself.

Oh man, I just checked out their vine channel, and it's amazing!

Heh... I've been working on that for *years*, and have mostly come to the following conclusions for me:

1) I intellectually agree that women can and should do whatever the hell they want and are still equally womanly
2) Internalized misogyny is A Thing, and in hindsight a lot of my knee-jerk hatred of "girly" stuff as a kid/teen is directly due to that. I think I've managed to figure out where the boundaries of those are in myself and if not exorcise them, can identify and reject it on consideration.
3) Despite believing in points 1 and 2, there's still *something* unhappy about being read as female, that has been actively happy on the like 3 occasions I've been read as male, and deliberately presenting masculinely makes me happy. So I'm starting to identify as transmasculine, which feels good in a way that's hard to explain but seems right. I'm still figuring out what that means, though. (relatedly, wearing makeup and feminine formal clothes has always felt like a costume, but that would probably be true if I felt completely female but butch. I think.)
4) I would probably have gotten to 3 significantly sooner if I actually experienced physical dysphoria, and a lot of the fuzziness is because I don't really have an issue with my nominally-female body, aside from it making it really hard to buy menswear that fits well and making it really unlikely I'll consistently read as not-female anytime soon.

So, uh... it's hard, and I think "fuck gender roles" vs. "fuck gender" really comes down to a sense of self determination that's not always sharply defined. And I do think it *can be* context dependent. I'd probably feel more strongly transmasculine if I lived somewhere/when that had more stringent boundaries on gender expression, and less so in a hypothetically genderless society.

Pretty much all of Ursula Vernon (or T. Kingfisher, under which she publishes a lot of these). She's written a lot of fairy tale retellings that give the lost princess/stablegirl her agency back, and a deep dose of practicality. I hightly recommmend either Toad Words, her short story collection, or The Raven and the Reindeer, a snow queen retelling with lots of awesome old ladies and also lesbians.

Maybe it was Adams, the tone of those asides is so similar between the two that it's easy to confuse them. And I definitely discovered Pratchett and Adams at the same time, so I wouldn't be surprised if I got it mixed up.

I'll cop to one of my own:

In a Pratchett novel (I think either Pyramids or Small Gods), there's an aside about a philosopher who declares black is white, and white is black, and "got run over at the next zebra crossing". As an American, I had no idea that Brits referred to crosswalks as zebra crossings, so for many, many years I assumed he meant the philosopher got trampled by a literal herd of zebras. Which made perfect sense in a Pratchett book, anyway.

I feel like this kickstarter might be relevant to the Toast's interests. (And I'm not at all motivated to spread the word because of wanting a discounted Saint Harridan suit, no...) The founder of Saint Harridan is trying to set up a gender-celebratory online clothing store. I've been a huge fan of Saint Harridan's stuff, and I really do want this to succeed.

If nothing else, you should click through to check out the *fabulous* model for the Liquid top. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/marygoing/ha...

If comics are a thing, I'd also recommend Princeless and possibly it's spinoff, Raven: The Pirate Princess. Princeless only introduces queer characters in volume 3 (with Raven), and volume... 5, I think? has adorable lesbian dwarves (based off tumblr posts. I'm a bit behind.) It's definitely aimed for 10ish year olds, and it's super fun. The basic plot is that a princess is stuck in a tower by her father, and decides to go save herself and her sisters.

Raven is the main character in the spinoff. It's aimed for more 14+, so might require some vetting, but Raven is the daughter of a pirate king whose brothers have taken over the family, so she puts together a crew of badass lady pirates to take it back. There's at least 3 queer women in the cast, and I'm pretty sure more.

I'll just leave this here.