When Cori Howard started talking about how in other countries/cultures women and mothers are respected more I couldn't help but wonder if she actually knew what she was talking about. I'm very sceptical of the whole "oh, Asian/African/Native American cultures are so much more natural and egalitarian and wonderful than our evil Western culture" because quite frankly it just sounds essentialist, normative, ignorant and kind of offensive. And she works full-time, but considers herself to practice "attachment parenting?" I wonder what hardcore "attachment parenters" would say about that.

I also find the utter lack of mention of fathers in all these "mommy debates" do be strange and somewhat telling, though I'm not sure of what.

(Sorry, I had to split up my comment because it was too long)

I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences with therapy. I had to go through many bad therapists before I learned how to find ones I like. In my experience, therapists who act like doctors and think it's their job to "cure" me are useless. For me, I just need a therapist who will listen to me and engage with me as an equal--for instance, with my therapist now, I disagree with her all the time, and I'm very vocal about it, and she lets me be. With previous therapists I felt like I didn't have a voice, ironically enough. I told them about my problems and they diagnosed me, and I hated that. To tell the truth, I wish I could introduce you to my current therapist, but unfortunately we are an ocean apart.

I know there's a good chance nothing I say will get through to you, but I'm commenting anyway. I wish you could see yourself the way others see you. Nobody hates or scorns you the way you hate and scorn yourself.

I think you are confused about the whole "ED voice in your head" thing. Your eating disorder is not the voice telling you it's okay to put more raisins on your porridge--it's the voice telling you you are fat when you are so clearly not. It's the voice beating you up for not being good enough, instead of accepting things as they are. There's nothing wrong with wanting to work to better yourself--to be stronger, faster, to feel better--but when your need to be something you're not is consuming your life and robbing you of happiness, well, I can't judge you or your choices, but I don't think you're choosing to hate yourself. I think you hate yourself because you're sick.

Ack, I'm sorry, I seriously thought I had commented on this post...see, I am going crazy :p Thank you for your kindness and I will go check out your reply right now :)

Did you delete my comment or am I going crazy? If you did that's fine, but if you don't want to hear my opinion I would appreciate if you would tell me so so I don't try to give it to you again in the future. (If you want me to lay off, I promise I will.)

Jess, reading your blog makes my heart hurt. All the girls whose blogs you linked to look the way they do because they are suffering from eating disorders (the ones who claim to be "recovering" clearly have a long way to go). I don't know any of them so I can't truly judge, and I don't mean to insult any of them because I'm sure they are all wonderful people, but to me they look very young and in fear. That's not something to strive for.
I think binge eating is the inevitable result of denying your body (and mind) the comfort and nourishment it needs. I've experienced cycles of binge eating and weight gain and I know how utterly horrible it feels. Binge eating and self-hatred are two sides of the same coin. I'm still at a point where I'm desperate to lose weight so I can't really give you any advice but I truly think you need ED treatment. I know that's an incredibly presumptuous thing for me to say since I don't know you and have never even commented on your blog before, so I hope you don't resent me for it.
Although your struggles are painful for me to read, your writing is very poignant and insightful and I will continue reading your blog and hoping that you will eventually reach a state of greater inner peace.