Good post!
On Sonny putting what HE determines to be your best interest before his own. Sigh. This is just so....frustratingly problematic. It's hard dating this guy. Maybe because I'm not the ideal girl for this type... I hate that such conflicting characteristics can coexist in one man - but I get it.
I tend to be attracted to family oriented, take-charge but often emotional men, however, I need full disclosure. I will "look the other way" but tell me WHY I should first! I'm more than willing to go to my happy place while you spaz.... but this requires an incredible amount of authentic communication and trust in our relationship that at the end of your man period or whatever.. things will be ok. I don't like when guys expect you to do this out of the gate; its earned.

Lol!! Right?! He's all... "girl stop all that thinkin' n sh*t! Puttin sh*t together!" Ninja please.

"And this includes Mama!! "
Oh yes!! Very good point, Star!

This was a helpful response.

Understanding that it is uncomfortable and unnatural (as well as the conflict of when to express and how much) helps me get over feeling like men are just unwilling. Thanks.

So well written. :)

Before I quit my job to go back to school and do what I love - it was basically my job to speak to senior level executives who were transitioning out of the corporate world into entrepreneurship. They were making the decision your friend recently made - but 15+ years down the line.. so kudos to your friend! The time really is now!

Ultimately... I think it comes down to how dissatisfied you are. Your talented friend is not unhappy enough, in my opinion, to deal with the often overwhelming fear of taking those first steps toward change. Maybe he is afraid he wont measure up to what is expected of him? Maybe he is afraid to have to do what he is talented in 'on demand'..? Whatever the case his fear of what is on the other side must be greater than his current dissatisfaction. That was not the case for your Wall Street friend.

Some people are really okay with average. Some people really aren't and dare to step out on their wildest dreams. Whatever the case - I think the difference is always in our level of comfort with our current situation, and our belief in what life could be like if we suffered through those fearful first step towards our dreams.

I really like this post.

Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions?

- For that particular example I do not need to know a reason as to why you cannot be with me if you know nothing you say is going to change the intensity of your emotions or the ultimate outcome of us breaking up. It may be wise for you to give me a justification because you may be basing your opinion of me on some temporary behavior that I have taken on for a reason that you and I could possibly communicate about and overcome - but I mean if you're ready to check up the deuces already... go. Also some of us do certain things just because we can and if you were to tell us to STOP... we just might do that, and a whole lot of other things you tell us to do too... ;)

But there are other times when I will ask follow up questions and it is not an interrogation or a means to an end. I like to talk! I want to understand and support you.

I hate the "you over analyze" comment. It often makes me feel like really? Sorry I care about your a$$. On a side note tho.. sometimes I think this is a MAJOR cop-out. Am I over-analyzing or are you just annoyed that I actually listen to what you say and can sometimes catch an inconsistency?

What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?

- I think men should take more responsibility in general by understanding their actions and the impact of their actions. Also a lot of times I think men tend to act out a little bit or get mad when they don't know what to do, how to respond or how to fix the situation. Maybe we don't want you to do any of the above - just listen and be there and don't just dismiss the situation. Or perhaps you should just say that you don't know what to do/say. And If we are being irrational or over emotional as we tend to do about once a month at minimum... just empathize sometimes jeez. Even when we don't make sense our emotions are real.

I think women hinder men by tolerating what should otherwise be unacceptable behavior - especially after having made him aware that you think the behavior is unacceptable.

"In fact, many of them are great women who do not see failure as an option. The best thing for them to do is to reevaluate their definition of failure. "

This is an excellent point that is not touched on nearly enough. Desperate women are always portrayed as obnoxiously foolish, emotionally retarded and just messy - all of which may further the denial (for other women) who aren't any of those things, however they are, indeed, desperate. Also, the men they are desperate for are usually classic cases of awful like the no job having great pipe layer, or the super successful married and cheating man, etc. That is simply not always the case.

Good post.

Great post & comments above.

Religion and tolerance often bring up contradictory thoughts... on one hand perhaps the very nature of religion requires a lack of tolerance since tolerance might be construed as weak faith. Maybe both types are needed in the body, to serve different purposes. I believe it is, in most cases, actually stronger in faith to trust God to deal with whatever is opposing his ways that you have no control over yourself. Other more radical believers might deem that as dead faith - faith without works. *Shrug* Guess you have to know your role.

As for Americas role in Egypts affairs.. I am not sure I understand what is truly at stake. I mean, I understand the need for intervention when the worlds order is threatened... resources are involved... etc. I guess I don't know enough to be able to understand why this is an International issue...?

Well I am in Atlanta... opportunity exists - I am not sure if I would define it as abundant. That is just from my perspective tho - I don't get out all THAT much to really know I guess.

" I just took it as her painting a picture." That really was all.

Sometimes we need someone to challenge us on reasons why we place a certain value on attributes so... I guess I get it. I'm always down for the challenge because I accept the fact that I can definitely be wrong or off track, etc.. In this case, however, I really just tossed it in there - I assumed women could possibly understand my weakness and misconception of "perfect" despite my better judgement. Honestly I'm embarrassed to have dealt with such an a$$ - I thought I was smarter than that myself!

I thought you were being playful with your question, so I answered likewise. My mistake.

I said it wasn't a requirement - it was just one of the things about him that, to me, made him seem perfect. Like most initial descriptions of "perfect" it's just a wish list. His height was a nice cherry on top. "Is he 6'4"?" is not a question I ask myself as a way to determine if I will date someone- obviously.

I didn't mention what men do as a way to educate you, or deflect. I had no reason, I offered an equivalent I naturally assumed you would understand. Sometimes with the initial "perfection" definition there is no real reason behind why we want what we want - we just want it. Be it "horrible" or not, that's just what it is. I am only human. We can only hope to mature to the point where we let real needs dictate our behavior.