Loved Moby's quote that the consequences of being too cautious are almost always worse than the mistakes themselves.

We were brought up middle class, but one interesting thing is that I was convinced we were rich as Rockefeller while my sister was convinced we were one step away from being destitute. It just illustrates the complexity of assessing the impact of money.

The story at the end is really my favorite part, a really beautiful story about how "life is about choices." Something about your articulation really moved me there.

Really inspiring, amazing story, got choked up several times listening to it. Lots to learn from them.

The show was remarkable, well done. The podcast gets better and better and I find myself continuously checking for the next episode. Franky and Lea you two came together to deliver a truly inspiring story, the kind that sticks with you and affects you for a long long time. Thanks so much!

The Moby story was really interesting particularly in that it took a different angle in that re-occurring theme of not seeing people for who they really are. If you listen to what he said, he used the term mourning to describe his feelings at the loss of that image of the woman he had. Think how powerful that is. When the consequences of losing that image are powerful enough to describe as "mourning" then you are pretty attached, and had that woman actually existed, he'd have used a lot of energy to keep her within that image of her to avoid that feeling of loss. Even if her differences were positive, he'd still have to go through the loss of the original image first.

It seems to me that whether we are "meeting" someone in the conventional way, or learning about them in a one-way information gathering way, that factor is the biggest impediment to "knowing" or understanding them. And specifically, its not that we fit people we meet into patterns or archetypes, that's actually a necessary tool for sorting through people (as clinical as that sounds), where we get into trouble is when we get emotionally attached to an image or pattern. When we get attached, then we lose our ability to adjust our image based on the new information, we start to selectively filter that information based on what we want or don't want to change. That's where we get into trouble. I'd argue that's true whether we are meeting someone face to face or researching a historical figure or anything in between.

This show is so addicting! Since discovering it, I've been spending so much time and energy thinking and listening to it. When I get through all of them I'll have a mix of emotions, missing them but rejoicing over the time I get back for the rest of things in my life :)

I was fairly surprised when you mentioned how you put it aside for a year, because I thought this was one of the best stories. It didn't have the profound weight of some of the others, but it had some absolutely captivating and hilarious moments. I can just imagine you on your bike pretending you were getting another call, and trying to imagine an excuse for saying no "it's not as if I could say I had another use for it" then pivoting from dating to doing a story on him (and you) and trading "considering" giving him the stool in trade.

Part of the reason, probably the main reason, this story was so captivating is because of the context switching. First he's a potential date, then he's a story, how your perception of him changes, how does his perception of you change? Its like one of those optical illusions where the same color square sits in front of two different backgrounds and looks entirely different.

This episode also epitomizes one of the things I love about this show, that the producer is so intermingled in the stories. I really like that for a number of reasons, I love that the show is not about life being observed as a totally detached, distant observer but from up close and involved, with a narrator who is affected by the stories and providing that context. That to me is much more the way life is, and should be, lived. Further, it explicitly gives us the context in which the show is being produced, rather than pretending it doesn't exist.

Anyway, this show is wonderful, I really treasure it!

This was a damn interesting episode, I particularly liked your framing with your own experiences in guys approaching you.

I would draw a distinction between feeling you "know" someone (prematurely) and fitting someone you meet into the image you've created for them. I believe those are two different phenomenon (that may or may not coincide).

On the first, I think that we can gain an understanding of someone in a fairly deep way without meeting them, we can understand what their priorities, beliefs, etc. Stories can be an especially good medium for this. Tell me you left your job for a year to take care of a dying grandmother, and I've learned a lot more about you than hours of discussions of politics, food etc.

I liken a relationship between two people as a bit like diplomacy between nations (though it may not be the most romantic notion). There will inevitably be skirmishes and misunderstandings at the borders, but the real key is are there fundamental forces at work that align the incentives of the two nations or are they fundamentally at odds? If they are aligned, then reasonable diplomacy will keep them at peace. If they are fundamentally at odds, then the most brilliant diplomacy can probably only postpone conflict. There's no question that communication (or diplomacy in my metaphor) are prerequisites, but so is fundamental alignment. I think that fundamental alignment can be gauged (at least to a reasonable degree) by listening to stories. Your experience tells us about how you weigh security v experiences, hints about ambitions and dreams, fears. Your retelling tells us a lot about how you see the world, how open you are, cynical, etc. Alignment on those things form the basis not just for a long term relationship but for physical attraction, how funny you think the other person is, even if you like them touching you. Love (at least at the outset) is a very selfish thing, it's all about what the other person can do for you, how they make you feel, etc. Intuitively (I believe) we know that a person who is aligned with our goals, dreams, priorities, can do a lot more for us and thus we're attracted to them.

Then there is the "image we have created" part. I think this is a problem we have at many levels, at an early age, we are taught "we can do anything we set our minds to" and thus induced to make the grave mistake (in my view) of "setting our mind" when the reality in life is that our job should be not to set our minds, but to open them. We can indeed do anything, but it is much better to open our minds and hears to see what life has set out for us, rather than to believe we can set it ourselves. Once we set our minds, we shape and filter the information that comes to us to fit what we have set. Not only is that a distortion of reality that leads us blindly to our set goal, but it lets us miss the real opportunities. It's a mistake in relationships, and life in general, but I would argue we can make that mistake with information gathered from any source. Did the smitten listener fit you into an image he created? Maybe, but then again, maybe he sensed some genuine alignment.

I have more, but I need to get to work :)

What's your definition of dual core? IIRC, the Palm Pre uses the TI OMAP 3530 which is an arm core + dsp, that should count as two cores.