Hi Ericka! I totally sympathize with you - and your post came at a perfect time. I JUST did one yesterday on finding my "sweet spot" with exercise. :-) (See here: http://fortheloveofkale.com/2012/03/finding-my-fi... Ultimately, you have to do what works for you. Do what you love - otherwise, it is work and you sort of drift farther and farther from your true self. I suffered from anorexia for six years and am happy to say that I am recovered. It is POSSIBLE! You CAN do this!

As far as looking at other women, I think we need to discern the difference between idolizing women's bodies and appreciating them. It is important to look at someone and APPRECIATE their strength. It is another thing to OBSESS over it. I used to obsess - I think we all sort of do that at some point in our lives - but now, when I see a woman who is strong and fit, I say, "Wow! How strong she is!" and move on. I don't "pin" women for "fitspiration" or whatever - because I want to be the best version of me, and I can't be the best version of myself if I'm trying to be someone else. You know?

I am a nutrition major, so I can certainly weigh in on the food piece. I am a fan of intuitive eating...sitting down and really savoring my food: the way it smells, the way it feels, the way it tastes...and chewing slowly. When I started eating foods that I enjoyed, I noticed that I was actually happier! I was listening to my body - I was in control and not my ED. That is so important. Once you gain that control and take charge of your body, you feel like SUPERWOMAN! it can be really hard...because you still have your ED voice trying to dictate - but don't let it win. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

You are so amazing just as you are. <3