Alexander Burns

Alexander Burns

117p

59 comments posted · 0 followers · following 0

115 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - these dang kids · 1 reply · +10 points

Old guys like this give a bad name to those of us who want to ban teens through civilized, legal means.

125 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - ditch analog cigs · 0 replies · +17 points

In an emergency you can vent warp nicotine from the nacelles.

138 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - ghostbusters 3 · 1 reply · +16 points

Unlike a certain other glasses device, this one is definitely encouraged to be used in the bedroom.

139 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - asteroid 2004 BL86 · 0 replies · +3 points

"My God, the rockets have failed."
"Okay. It's time for Plan B. Everyone in China needs to get up on their kitchen tables and jump down to the floor simultaneously. Get Beijing on the line."

147 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - the bechdel test · 0 replies · +25 points

I can't believe they recast the blonde as a redhead. Appalling.

151 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - goodbye chainsawsuit · 0 replies · +44 points

"You didn't have to kill your family! The virus would have gone away! Whyyyyyyy?"

"Virus?"

181 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - coming to TLC · 1 reply · +1 points

This casts a terrifying pall across that egg-in-a-rocket experiment we did in 12th grade physics.

182 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - tony's food service st... · 0 replies · +5 points

I couldn't help but notice your jaw pulling a little to the left while you ate that steak. We can take care of that for you. We have a credit line you can apply for if you don't have the cash handy.

183 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - the newspaper could be... · 0 replies · +8 points

All right all right all right, okay, you don't like this. How about we make it smaller, with glossy paper. The front page is just a picture, hardly any text. Inside we can include, I dunno, sample perfumes or whatever. Nobody's ever thought of this before, right?

186 weeks ago @ chainsawsuit by kris s... - whoops · 0 replies · +10 points

Looking forward to the short-lived chainsawsuit with Jimmy Fallon.