It's funny that you are writing about this today. You see dh and I are taking our second and last Spiritual Gifts class tonight at church (yes...shocking I know, I've been going to church....I even joined it. :-O ). They offer it to help people find out where their strengths, and passions lie so that when they find a place to serve they are doing it, not out of guilt or obligation, but out of joy, and a desire to be there. It was something I found quite refreshing coming from a background of the church calling you to serve where they felt you would do best regardless of whether your heart was in it or not. Oh sure you could refuse...but it never felt like you could.

My grandma used to always tell me, when I having one of my (many) moments of stubbornness, that "Those who won't listen, will have to feel." I never understood what that meant until I got older and realized that many of the my grandma had tried to advise me about and warn me against I ended up having to learn the hard way. However it also taught me stand firm in what I believe, to form my own opinions, and not follow along because someone told me it is what I should do.

She also told me to be:
Firm in courting
Soft in love, and
Flexible in marriage.

I am the child of the first kind of dad X 2. I've never met my bio "dad" that I remember, but I had a step dad who had been with my mom from the time I was 9 months old. He was the man I knew as "daddy" he was the man who tucked me in at night, and kissed my boo boo's and would dance with me standing on his feet. However when my mom died, my dad "died" with her in some ways, he left us to drown his despair in alcohol and drugs, and became a man who told me in the most awful way that he wasn't really my dad. I hold no ill will towards the "dad" that left before I was born, I can't because I don't know him, I have no attachments or emotions to him, he is a stranger. My other dad hurt me, and though I understand now he was going through his own hurt, it doesn't make it less real.

All of this makes me all the more thankful to have married the man I did. I couldn't have asked for a better father for my kids, I know that if God forbid we were to ever divorce, he would do everything he could to be a daily part of our kids life, and wouldn't be able to be away from them for very long. His face just lights up when the kids greet him at the door when he comes home from work, and when they spend the weekend at their grandparents he is missing them after an hour. I could have been another statistic...repeating the cycle, having a kids with a dad like mine were, a dad who would break their heart, somehow, through pickiness on my part, or probably sheer good luck I married a guy who will only fill their hearts with love.

Completely awesome! :)

I, like a lot of the commenter's before me, interpreted this as there will always be someone out there who try and ruin a persons great accomplishment. Not only will they want to ruin it for the person who accomplished it, but for everyone around them. The woman in this metaphor was miserable that she couldn't enjoy the cake so she tried to make sure that no one else could enjoy it either.

What I also got from this was that sometimes all it takes is the hurtful words or actions of one person to make us feel so horrible about something good we have done that it deafens us to the hundreds of voices of praise.

Thank you, thank you for saying out loud something I have thought for a long time. I do not, nor will I ever claim to be perfect, and I will admit that during times of frustration and anger I have thought, and even said out loud negative things about my husband. However, I try to correct myself when I do so, and I try never to voice them to my husband...well I might voice my particular frustration but not the negative comment/thought.

It bothers me when I see a spouse, whether it is a wife or husband deride their mate. I mean don't get me wrong, I think it is healthy to vent some frustrations, but there is a difference between being frustrated by a situation and calling your spouse names, or telling people how incompetent, lazy, stupid, inconsiderate, etc... they are. You (general you) obviously married them for a reason...there had to be something good about them for you to commit to them, and if you can't find that good in them anymore, if you can't find those positive traits anymore then it might be time to look into yourself and see if the reason you can't see them is because they are gone, or because you have blinded yourself with negativity. Basically it comes down to love and mutual respect. I try not to say negative things to or about my husband, because I respect him as a person, because I love him as my husband, and because I know it would crush him if I said negative things about him...just like it would crush me if he said them about me.

1.) I wanted to be on Broadway, but was discouraged, by people trying to "protect my feelings", because I was overweight.

2.) I wanted to travel alone even though "it dangerous for a woman". Four years traveling...it was a blast!

Over all I think this is a good post. I agree with the idea that people can and do actively choose not to be one of the 98% who just drive on past. I do disagree in some respects to the larger percentage of people who do struggle daily with an addiction or mental illness won't struggle with it if they just try hard enough. Some will always struggle, some won't, some will make it into that small percentage who are "healed" and some despite their best efforts will always struggle.

Let me put it this way. I quit smoking several months ago. Everyday I struggle with wanting a cigarette, and not picking up another bad habit to replace them. Now everyday I also make an active choice to not smoke, to not give in to the craving/temptation, the addiction. I actively choose to not stuff my face with food to replace the cigarette, especially because I have had food issues/binge eating problems in the past. Every time the compulsion comes up to want to smoke, or to grab something from the fridge even though I am not hungry, I make a conscious effort to not give in, so that I can be in the small percentage that will not start smoking again, or will not start binge eating again. I do however struggle...even though the decision to not go back to my own ways is starting to become automatic, the urge still lies underneath.

One more thing I want to add though is why is struggling a bad thing? Why does it have to be a negative? It doesn't mean failure, or loser, it doesn't mean all is lost. It's about fighting, whether it's fighting to overcome an addiction, a disorder, or the automatic inclination to drive past an accident on the side of the road. It's about striving for something better, for a healthier life, a happier marriage, being a better parent or making that active decision, one more day to not give into that nasty voice that tells us we need that cigarette, beer, drug, whole cake,or to exercise for 5 hours to burn off that cheese sandwich in order to cope. Perhaps if struggling was thought of as something positive, as fighting for something that is worthwhile in your life, then maybe being part of the big number in a statistic wouldn't seem so daunting...or so hopeless.

I've always just taken the upfront and kindly blunt approach. I have school aged kids, a husband who works long hours and we all have to be up at the crack of dawn (or before..ugghhh) so I tell anyone who is over on a weeknight that I have to kick them out at 8:30. No ifs, ands, or buts, by that time the kids are already in bed, my husband is heading that way, and I want my hour or so of alone time, plus I have stuff that needs to get done before bed. Weekends are more relaxed, and I am more apt to drop a hint or two that it's time to go, but if people aren't taking the hint then I straight up tell them that it is time to go home.

I think your doctor might be evil. I mean seriously, telling someone to give up chocolate? That's just cold.

:p