I couldn't stand to be alone and I made sure that I wasn't. After my 13 year marriage ended in divorce I started to reach out to God but that was short lived. I thought another relationship was the answer to my pain. When that relationship fizzled out I jumped into another one and then another. What I really needed was a relationship with God. God slowly opened my eyes and showed me my sin. He let me feel the pain that my sin caused others, myself and God. After justifying and justifying and justifying so the choices I made would fit into the category of a nice life I was enlightened to my disillusionment. I could see my failure. I mourned my blatant disregard for God. I wanted to be clean. I wanted a better way. At that point my life started to go into a new direction. It was not overnight but a gradual process of building a relationship that I neglected for so long. It was like one of those makeover shows. Every time they look in the mirror they are more and more pleased with the little changes. I felt more and more pleased with what God was doing in me. At times it was painful and still is, but when I look back I realize that even though I justified things I knew that I was dirty. I knew that I had pushed God aside and that I was living for my own pleasure. What God has done though is He has made His pleasures my pleasures. I don't miss anything about my life in the past. It seems like someone elses nightmare that I do not want to step into. I am on a one way bridge now and the further I get the more beautiful the scenery, the fresher the air, the more calm the river, the smoother the rocks, and the more colorful the leaves. Although scary and challenging at times I realized that I am not alone. I was never alone. All I needed to do was give in to my Helper and let Him help. A life in Christ is a gentle breeze on my face that I would never want to turn away from. The more and more I turn into the breeze the more the coolness regenerates my soul. God has also given me a new husband, a Godly man. We have been married for almost six years now. He gave me a second chance with the man he thought best for me. We both serve Christ now. When I let God lead he led me the right way.