Another thought-provoking post, Jason. Thank you! I think one thing I've experienced as I've watched my 7-year-old son grow up is to watch how children set goals/state desires and how that changes over time. As a 4-year-old, goals tended to revolve around security, happiness, companionship. As he's gotten older, he's started to impose grander ideas success, being not just a baseball player but the BEST baseball player, the KING of baseball! In that I see where my ideas of what was desirable began to change toward the impossible. As a woman, I feel like I've lived in a little bubble of hope that I could have everything: healthy, happy family; loving spouse; rewarding and valuable career; intellectual satisfaction; spacious and stylish home. I realize now that those goals really ARE unattainable for me (and, I'd hazard a guess, anyone else) but what do they represent? Health (got it, knock wood), happy family (ditto), loving spouse (you bet), societal acknowledgment and validation (well, that's one I need to parse out a bit more)...you get the idea. I think I am realigning my goals to be more elemental than tangible. I want goals that are consistent with my core values. But first, I have to be clear on what my core values are. It may turn out that something I thought was a goal was just not as important as I thought! Thanks again...good fodder for thoughts while I walk.

Jason, I have felt like a fraud FOREVER! I'm 51 now and I still have a problem with confessing to others that I am terrified of being "found out" about 98% of the time. But the funny thing is that most of the things I have accomplished in my life (good family, wonderful 7-year-old son, reasonably good career) have been because I "act as IF" I am the person I want to project. And I become that person. People tell me I'm a good mom. I have very little frame of reference for being a proactive parent, so I am puzzled about how people make that decision. But then, I realize I act as if I were a good mother and 'lo and behold! I AM a good mother.

I have to say that part of this epiphany came just a year ago when, at the age of 50, I was diagnosed with severe Attention Deficit Disorder, Inattention type. My brain is just not wired to process things the same way my beloved spousal unit does. That's how I noticed it. We were both getting Master's Degrees in the same field. Spousal unit, the very picture of competence in all things, is churning out great papers and commentary, building a social network, making connections with colleagues. I am struggling from day 1. I knew something was up, but being diagnosed helped me make sense of what it was and how I could adjust my routines and behaviors to accommodate my own learning style. So, now I am acting as if I am a good student, confident in my abilities. And I FEEL more confident, more "in control."

I've come to the conclusion that, for me, there are always going to be lingering internal doubts about my self worth and abilities. But I can act as if I am comfortable with who I am and slowly, over time, those negative thoughts will be superseded by a new perception. Accept that you are the best you on the face of this planet and figure out how to cut yourself some slack while you try to get even better.