Stayed up after midnight to finish an e-book called "The Frog Prince's Daughters." The author had described her work on her blogs as based on fairy tales, light on setting with a touch of romance. That sounded familiar enough that I bought one to see how she pulled it off.

I've actually been feeling guilt and condemnation in my reading/writing lately. Like however I spend my time is robbing from something else. I had to work really hard to sit and read, and maybe that was why I kept going till I finished the story: I was afraid I wouldn't start again for too long.

Speaking of unqualified counselors... http://bit.ly/hl25ZJ

Oh, and J never wanted me to test w/o him present so "telling" him was never an issue.

I'm excited for you and thankful for your gift.

I've "started" both German and Spanish, and dabbled with French, but American Sign Language is the one I've practiced enough to actually think in. I believe it comes down to the personal aspect. I know deaf people, I used to go have lunch at the Deaf Community Center, where talking with your mouth full was normal-- really the only time you *could* talk, b/c your hands are empty. (I still fall into that sometimes.)

I was most motivated to learn Spanish the week I lived in a hotel in New Mexico and kept running into the housekeeping ladies (I was "home" all day with a 1-year-old). When there is someone I see as isolated, I want to help or understand better, because I've so often had that feeling.

That is my big epiphany this year: emotion as a motivator. When I want to learn something it is because I *feel* a connection to the information (or the application of that information). I think this is why never stuck it out in a university environment to learn a language. I'm intellectually piqued by the concept of languages, but other than South Korean and Burmese moms (who value my input as an English wordsmith) I don't have cross-cultural interaction, and it's hard to stay motivated in empirical language study in the midst of all my other interests.

One thing I've thought of doing is getting a Spanish copy of the first Harry Potter book (just b/c that's the common book I've seen at used-book stores) and work through that w/ an English version. If nothing else I'd expect it to expand my vocabulary, and maybe I'd absorb some "principles" if not nail down the "rules."

I'm so glad you brought up moving out of state w/ your therapist.

Before I got to that part of your post I was already framing to comment in my head.

Moving to AK is a *huge* step, and even commitment, since once you've gotten here it's hard to leave (emotionally as well as physically, people tell me), but I think setting in your mind to move out of state is a very healthy thing. Checking onto reciprocity and re-licensing could be a way to check or decide where you could move, and then (you already know this) checking for job openings in those states.

I'm so thankful you've got a firm grasp on your financial situation and personal boundaries. It seems to me this house was a warning of what your future will look like if you continue where you are.

As for Geico, I know we have one in town (I imagine they're in most towns) but I don't know if they're big enough to employ their own lawyers. We have a handful of small firms, at least one specifically for accedent claims. At least, that's how they advertise.

I'm glad you got a chance to talk with your sec. I always feel so helpless when I see someone hurting and don't know how to start them toward health. We are so limited by their own willingness to acknowledge and invest in health.

Praying wisdom for you!

Eh. Not Anchorage. Fairbanks.

Oh my goodness. I totally replied to this (I thought!) but now it's not here. And I don't remember what I said! *sigh*.

Came over to comment on the house you mentioned in my comments, but I can't tell from here which house that might be. Anyway, I'm excited for you.

The soundtrack of Man From Snowy River made me want to play french horn as a kid. Then my mom said there were loads of french horn players, and I never picked one up.

The leader of my independent homeschoolers group advocates parents learning a new instrument while homeschooling. She says it reacquaints the teacher with the frustrations of learning that they have so-long been removed from. That it provides a relevant empathy.

My instruments are guitar, piano and recorder.

All with a short attention span: I've probably never spent more than an hour a week on any of them, and usually much less. With long absences. But here is the advantage of music being an undertoe in the household: 20 years of dabbling and I can pick out a simple tune, transpose and accompany by cords.

And it clearly works a different part of my brain-- maybe the part that processes poetry and hand-spinning (i.e. fiber arts). I don't have much of an attention span for any of them, but they all are soothing and I'd miss them if they were gone.

p.s.
I'd love to pick up a lap-harp and learn to play that. They seem so much more beautiful, poetic and appropriate for storytelling. My piano is electric, my guitar a *wonderful* (but highly unromantic) Rainsong, and one can't sing or tell while playing a recorder. Every now and then one comes up on Craigslist and I dream.

I doubt I could give one word for anything. But I love the concept. I love it's simplicity and the idea of focus.

For me the "drudgery" has everything to do with Perceived Value. Not just "from the culture" but from myself. Before I was trying to live gluten free, I was (albeit secretly) convinced that a combination of television, McDonalds and generally out-sourced parenting (e.g. daycare, public school) could replace me. I was not necessary because my family could survive (with much smaller emptier lives, but survive) without me.

I was affronted by that. So one of my "guilts" when I accepted the "diagnosis" of a gluten intolerance was *Here's a way* to be indispensable (guilt because part of my mind asked the other part if I really believed and what was my motivation in taking this on).

The main thing that helps me work the drudgery is tying it to my sense of mastery (one of my deep values/motivators). As in, I, too, do not feel like I excel at home management, so when I get it right I get a surge of pleasure out of that.

One thing that helps is active using it as down-time. As in, I know that cleanliness helps me relax. I also like to spend a great deal of time listening to music, and (increasingly with the stress of my real life maxing-out my healthy-adrenaline time) Novel reading or writing is too demanding.

Putting those together is currently my scaffolding for building motivation to work on the house.

A few links (if you accept them as worth keeping up):
A poem I dwell on to lift my spirits when I feel weary of my work.
An observation that put boredom in perspective for me
And my absolutely favoritest title in the world: How to become a saint while changing diapers.

In conclusion I want to make sure you've heard the (famous?) G.K. Chesterton quote on being a homemaker. But I will paraphrase: I will pity a mother that her task is too large. I will never pity her for it being too small.