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Your comments are so refreshing with the differing viewpoints, providing a much clearer perspective from both sides. Thank you both for shedding some light into this dating game maze we purposely thrust ourselves into from time to time. Although it's kind of hard out here for us sweet studs and centered femmes, the notion that there's someone for everyone loves strong within me. I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to love, and I'm ok with that. Stephanie, regarding your final thought... nuff said is right!
Lysee, I understand that you are torn by the affair you're having and the pain you are feeling from the current separation between you and your lover. It is so thick I can feel it in your writing. The connection you feel to your lover may seem to be an unbearable thing to break now or in the future, but if you truly want to save your sanity and your marriage you'll do the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do. It will break your heart, or at least feel like that's what's happening but what you're really doing is breaking the pattern of reliance upon your lover that you established however long ago to fill the void that was sorely missing from your marriage. This person meets a major need for you, perhaps many, and the addiction to what they give you can only be severed cold turkey. That's the beauty and pain of affairs. They are entirely unpredictable and there is always pain to be met at the ending of one. There is no escape. We don't want to bring ourselves pain so like a drug addict we'd rather continue taking the drugs we know are bad for us, that destroy our soul, and who we are as a person, instead of accepting the pain of what's to come, because out of that pain will come redemption and healing for yourself. You need this. There is no other way. If you want to save your marriage, resign yourself to doing the right thing. You may need to build yourself up to it, or you may need to reach absolute bottom like so many affair partners. You will likely also be saving this young man who at 25 years old still has a lot to learn about what it means to be a man and to please a woman. I wish the absolute best to you... and your family.
Thank you, Ang... so very much.
What started out as friendship can continue as friendship, but not right now. That scenario is likely not possible nor is it healthy to continue in your roles as each others friend until you both have healed from the affair. What you need is a friend that will listen to you and give you genuine advice while remaining objective. Someone not influenced by emotions. You will reach that point where the friendship can possibly resume, and the sooner you start coming to terms with hard questions, like what, where, when, why and how it happened. Get through all of that, each of you, independent of the other, and you can truly hold onto your friendship. Just like with affairs, friendships take two to tangle. And just like with getting over one, it takes time to establish and re-establish. If the other person isn't interested, as difficult as it may be in the short and possibly long haul, you have to move forward. Good luck with everything. Now is the time to focus on yourself.
Thank you my dear Mello.
Thanks Mello :)