Your time in the wilderness will probably not be long and you'll find someone willing to offer you money to write for them. You're not so different from most kids in the business - it takes a while to muddle through the ego-boosting 'Byline Effect' and realize that that what you have here is a job that helps pay your bills. You just got wrapped around the axle before you had a chance to mature. Best advice from a guy who was once black-balled: make no excuses, take your lumps, put your nose to the grindstone, listen to any grown-ups you're lucky enough to work with and never forget that you should never EVER write or say anything you're not prepared to see re-printed on Page 1 of the NYT above the fold.