so how does is-ness fit in with the spirit?

I don't know the term "is-ness" - could you clarify for me?

Reality is an individual's perception. Who is to say whose perception is right. Of course, there are folks out there whose mindsets may be completely delutionsal or fanatical and most of the "norm" would see their perception so skewed as to be irrational and not reality based. As far as should haves and could haves, which I agree are counter-productive, does not necessarity mean that a person does not believe in a higher power or higher intelligence governing their lives and world. It would seem that the world is more grey than black and white. It's my belief that no one is ever at the same level of "intelligence" - communion with our higher power, and therefore everyone's reality will never be the same. Perhaps some folks aren't resisting the reality principle, they just have to sift the reality they allow in their lives in order to survive.

wrong path - have to be home at a certain time to watch your T.V. program
feel the need to spy on your significant other because you don't trust
don't leave the house even though you're not agoraphobic
you know you're the only one who can do things right
you don't believe you are blessed