Matt Damon is yet another actor who sucks badly when affecting a rural, southern/Appalachian accent.

Michael Jackson could not sleep unless his Dr. Feelgood put him under general anesthesia. That should tell us all we need to know what Michael Jackson's conscience was telling him.

My counterinsurgency will include seeking out opportunities to buy a ticket to films in which actors like Mr. Marsden appears.

Great line in a great film with some great actors. So glad to see Mr. Moriarty writing here.

Also remember how much it impacts the environment to fly their cocaine in from South America.

My first thought: It parodied the hysterical hatred of the left towards Glenn Beck. It didn't make me LOL like other Onion vids, but it didn't offend me.

My second thought: They wrote this in such a way as to please the haters of Glenn Beck on The Onion staff and fans also. Might be the reason that it fell flat with me.

I think The Onion tried to play both sides of the fence with this bit and did not do it very well.

I was trying to pay attention to what the narrator was saying, but all that I could think of was how many movies that she had been naked in.

Sorry. What were we talking about again?

His tour bus dropped a load of them while driving over a river in Chicago as I recall. I used to joke that it was his "Eat Shit and Die Tour" .

Thanks, Gary! All my life I've been looking for a check for something that I dropped on the floor, something I stepped in on the sole of my shoe, something I blew into a tissue. You're working to cut off the funding and I have to quit living the life of an artist!!

Now I have to quit drinking beer for breakfast and stop sneering at people who don't 'get me.' I wonder what would have happened to Jackson Pollock if he hadn't drank beer for breakfast and sneering at people who didn't 'get him.'

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a movie star. Does it require that I mumble nonsensical things while I defecate in my pants and sleep in my vomit? I may have to now give up on that dream.

Great vid, Mr Klavan!