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We Really Do Regret to Inform You
Here is a form letter that I think would be appropriate for use by the Obama Administration. No apologies needed to be given to A. Lincoln as he is dead and because he had the courage to stand up against his generals.

The White House
Washington, DC. [fill in the date]

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s):

I have been informed by the database of the War Department that you are the father or mother of a child or children, some other close relative, or the significant other of a same sex partner we have not been officially informed about, who have died, as they agreed to risk doing when they signed with any of the branches of our military, from an improvised explosive device, suicide bomber or an unfortunately targeted drone bomb. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the United States of America, and the Islamic Something of a Republic of Afghanistan, which they died to create, or at least keep going until I can figure a way out of the region. I pray that our Heavenly Person may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of whatever it is we are trying to achieve over there.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

B. Obama

PS: The forgoing communication does not, in any way, constitute an admission of any negligence or wrongdoing on the part of the President, his cabinet or anyone in his administration other than from the normal consequences resulting from any aggressive engagement of any forces, foreign or domestic, that have been previously certified by the U.S. Congress or otherwise sanctioned under the U.S. Constitution, as understood at the time of the incident in question.