I love the pic of you and Tonia - great photo. Hoping your vacation continues to be all you hoped for and more.

This is more of a question than anything but I was wondering how much other men influence men to cheat. From time to time Steve (my husband) comes home from work and tells me about how the men sit around and bash on their wives. Just the other day he told me about a coworker whose wife wanted a Kindle and he went and checked them out and determined "She's not worth it". Steve was stunned. He says those things turn into sessions where men complain about their wives. If this is a common occurrence among men, could this prompt men to start looking for area to be dissatisfied with? Further, could it make them feel less guilty about being unfaithful?

If you are a man, like my husband, who never speaks in a negative way about your wive - even when there are things to complain about - don't you think it sets an example? What about if you are verbal about building your wife up to others - what if the situation were turned around and men choose to glorify their wives when speaking with other guys? Wouldn't this promote happiness in the marriage - promote satisfaction. What if the next "water cooler" discussion was about what your wife does really well - what does she cook that hits the spot - what are her strengths.

I just wonder if men don't take enough time to encourage each other in a positive way.

Women have a terrible tendency of man-bashing. I have found that when a woman starts that it is not hard to stop when countered with a lot of praise for other men. Women, like men, are competitive. No one wants to look like a loser - and when everyone else appears to be winning - who wants to be the one that looks like they are losing?

Just food for thought.

p.s. Have fun!

The perfect vacation - without the kids... Two days at the Inn at the Biltmore Estate - totally enjoying every little detail and then off to California for a week. We'd drive along the coast and visit all the cool things I've never seen out there and stay in awesome places like Dorymans Inn on Newport Beach. We stayed there for one night 9 years ago - it was gorgeous and romantic and decadent. We'd see the wineries and Hearst Castle and the beaches and eat good foods and just love each other. That's my idea of a dream vacation.

With the kids? We'd have a trailer and we'd drive all around the US learning about history first hand and seeing this beautiful country.

I love your list - it is evident that you and Tonia have worked diligently to build a solid marriage. That is key - you communicate even on the tough issues. You have a friendship and a marriage. Many, many married couples are not friends. In some ways, it is easier to hurt a spouse than a friend. If your marriage is built around a deep friendship, it is harder to willingly hurt that person. Many married people, myself included, have treated our friends better than our spouses. I am so thankful for the friendship Steve and I are building - we've always been friends but not like we are now. It has made a tremendous difference in the joy in our marriage.

On a personal note, I've found myself having to willfully separate myself from other people in the past. There have been times in the past where a friend has filled a need in my life. In some instances, male friends have been more verbally complementary towards me than my husband or they have stirred something - memories or nostalgia - that have made them creep into my thoughts more than is healthy. In recognizing that, I've had to cease contact/communication with them. It was best for my spiritual health and for my marriage. In those instances, neither party was even remotely interested in an inappropriate relationship but the fact that I found myself being gratified in some way by someone other than my spouse was enough to make me realize that I had to set a firm boundary for myself. For me, it would be easy for me to be emotionally distracted by a flattering male friend so I had to make a drastic change in a relationship. I also sat down with my husband and told him about it - about how it concerned me that another person made me feel as ONLY he should. I was able to convey to him that I needed him to step up in that area because though I may have not realized I was missing it, I obviously had been. I recall him not being really excited about that conversation but I felt better after having told him what had distracted me and confirming to him that I was unwilling to let my heart be filled by another person. It was, in the end, helpful to us.

Communication and friendship are so important and again, I love your list.

Marvin, You said:
"This is crucial. I agree we have desensitized ourselves through a consistent diet of sexual images and even talk radio. However, these images are all around us. How do we guard ourselves when commercials, billboards, Primetime, and even Disney are exposing us to all kinds of risque images? Do we live in a bubble? Or, do we attempt to redeem these media for the glory of God? How far should we go? This is a convo we need to keep before us. Thanks for adding value to this conversation. Grace and peace."

How do we guard ourselves? How far should we go? Do we try to redeem the media for God's glory? Good questions.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

We can not allow wickedness in where it will weaken our focus on Christ. We are in the battle - every. single. day. If it requires being extreme in protection of our souls (and our children's) then I think we must be extreme. Especially where our children our concerned. What we take in affects our spirit. We must be diligent.

In our house, we very rarely watch television at all. There is little on that is good enough for our kids. We watch Extreme Home Makeover with the kids on Sunday night. Unfortunately, commercials air for Desperate Housewives so we change the station during all commercial breaks. Or, we mute them and the kids don't look. It took a very short time for us and our kids to stop watching commercials altogether. Extreme? Maybe. I'm extremely concerned with the condition of my children's souls. I am extremely concerned about protecting their innocence. I'm willing to go far to guard them.

Billboards and advertisements make for good conversation. I despise the beer billboard on 131S about "better body back then" but it is there. We drive by sometimes. We talk about modesty and purity. We talk about how sad it is when we see girls on the beach half naked and how we shouldn't look at them because they don't know what they are doing. How that is private and what they are showing belongs to them and their future husbands. My boys choose to look away often. We have taught them that to look at someone who is keeping nothing private is violating - even if the person wants to look like that. I'm under no illusion that our 12 year old doesn't notice or wouldn't be tempted to look, so we have trained him carefully and we don't lead him to temptation. We don't go to the mall with the kids because Victoria's Secret and other stores are nearly pornographic. I shop alone or online.

When we see other ads we talk about what they are saying. Are they saying that that car will give you a beautiful life. We talk about real life examples, sadly, we know many. We talk about if things will really bring us joy. We talk about where our joy comes from and why would something material truly make our lives better. Sometimes it will bring us comfort or joy - but we don't let the ads tell us that. That is how we redeem what we can of the media. What we can't we just try to ignore or talk about the deception in advertising.

How could we really redeem the media? We can't. We live in a fallen world. We must make choices to let in the good and slam the door shut on the bad. Enough bad will still creep through but we must be diligent.

We keep a constant dialogue. We don't hide from the world but we intentionally choose to focus on what is good and lovely and pure and right. I believe that is what we are called to do.