We have talked so much on the blogs about the differences between male and female "violence" and manipulation, etc... this movie really illustrates it in a big way. This is a woman's story, for sure. The two leads are fabulous, amazingly talented ladies who can communicate worlds in the flickering of an eyelash. Don't miss it, one of my big favorites!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Notes_on_a_Scandal_(...

Movie you should see: Notes on a Scandal

You'd make a great Buddhist.

Thing is, I was taught even worse... that the desire for revenge is your RIGHT, and if you don't go for the revenge, you are "letting people walk all over you"... this was my mother's favorite song, she of the sugar-in-her-exes-gas-tanks...she also liked to call married men's wives (if these men were foolish enough to try and dump her before she dumped them) and tell them personal details that only um, a personal person would know. Etc. She was so gleeful and happy when she did this stuff... it not only taught me it was proper to do it, but that it would turn sadness into joy. (Irish Alzheimers = you forget everything but the grudges) I carried on in this proud family tradition until very recently.

Christianity seemed to give me permission, all that heavy moral righteousness and stuff. If I could prove I was morally wronged, I could fancy myself a type of Crusader, which has a long history in Catholicism, as you know. But Buddhism does NOT give me permission, and teaches me what you have just written: this thinking is poison.

Stepping back has been the hardest thing for me to learn. To simply say, no more, not playing. Because there is part of me that knows the gleeful reward is there for the taking, however temporary or infantile it might be. It is (like drugs!) a SURE THING. What I have had to learn is that revenge actually harms ME (since I already don't care about the other person) and that is a major reason to stop seeking it.

But the bloodlust is strong in me... today I seriously contemplated driving 650 miles (I have a car, gas, and I am currently unemployed... WHY NOT?) to deal with somebody with whom I have a long-standing problem (30 years duration, ain't a new thang) and whom I believe is currently interfering in my family bizness. The only things that keeps me from it is 1) my spouse thinks revenge is insane, since he is relatively sane by comparison and 2) this person is very sick and I know it. So I sit here and stew, hoping he dies, which is no better, but at least keeps me from doing him any direct harm. Yes, poison is the word. I would like to detox from it, but so difficult. Especially when these swine deserve it. (Its not like I created this issue out of whole cloth, I could tell you horror stories about him till the cows come home).

Victims create more victims, and it is oh so true.

It is not selfish, per se, but it is violence to yourself, and that is wrong, as violence to another is also wrong. You are human too, and violence to humans or animals is wrong, period. (I would make exceptions for humans or animals who are suffering horribly and will never recover.) When someone who would not hurt others, seems to make **an exception** for themselves, it means they have no innate respect for themselves, and that spells trouble. It would seem to me that such a person is therefore committing suicide for the wrong reasons, i.e. thinking they are not as valid or important as other people, whom they would *never* harm.

A sort of, "How dare you do something with your life that I do not approve of?!?"

Yeah, I can dig that, as we used to say... but intrinsic to this idea is that your life is "your property" and I don't agree with that. We are the guests of the universe, and we should be respectful of our incarnation as humans. The idea that our lives our simply "ours" relies on the underlying notion that our lives do not touch anyone elses. There is no such thing as independence, probably one of the most pernicious ideas of late capitalism. We are all interdependent, our lives all depend on each other's. Your actions impact all who are impacted by you.

If you, Danny, committed suicide, it would make me feel very bad. It would touch me deeply, and I only know you at a remove. Imagine those who know you personally, and how they would feel. They will always think there is something they could have done, should have done. I would feel that way, anyway. Because, you know why? Its true. All true.

Let me know if there is anything I can do. :)

Re: finding love. Are you going to HeroesCon? There are lotsa girls there, looking for geeky boys. Think about it! I love my geek hubby, even when he forces me to go to THE AVENGERS.

Again check out the movie MEMENTO if you have never seen it.

I love this movie like crazy. :)

Check out "Memento", if you have never seen it.

If you want an old one, check out " Peeping Tom"--every trigger warning in the book. Unfortunately, destroyed a brilliant director's career by being so far ahead of its time.

You've convinced me. Sign me up. :)

MONICA!!!! For years I told people I had heard him say that and they are like, riiiight. I musta seen the video when it was first posted, but then I could never find it again. I knew I hadn't imagined it! Thank you for this post!

In local fundie news, Bob Jones has just expelled a young man for watching GLEE, a homo show. Really, I could never make that up, his interview is on my blog. Spread the word. I really want to take their asses down, and enrollment is at an all-time low. We need to keep the pressure on.

Love ya and your blog rocks, always.

Having trouble logging in over at Ethecofem, or I would! Sorry about that.

C-Span covered LA Times Book Festival and one writer (about the sexual revolution) took some calls, during which one guy used the word "misandry"--first time I have heard this word used correctly outside the internet. It jumped right out at me, but I was only halfway listening in the first place and the context of his comment wasn't too clear to me.

However, the way the (feminist) author dismissed his comment, was very clear.

Thanks for the shout-out! One of the more unpleasant posts to put together, but I wanted a record of all of that SOMEWHERE... I think it is the only place all of the SC SYG cases have been discussed (simultaneously) as a whole trend. If Trayvon's death had not drawn attention to this, might have just continued... but a tragedy on that level was inevitable.

For people interested in the STAND YOUR GROUND laws, here is my in-depth post about some of the more controversial cases here in South Carolina, and how the law has been applied:
http://daisysdeadair.blogspot.com/2012/04/more-on...