IntenseDebate - usnessie

12 years ago @ The Masquerade Crew - Barnes and Noble, what... · 0 replies · +1 points

I looked long and hard at both the Kindle and Nook before deciding on the Nook, and I'm very happy with it! Admittedly, my decision was influenced by a series of customer-service failures on the part of Amazon, but on the flip side I can simply walk into any Barnes & Noble and immediately talk face to face with someone who will help me with my Nook.

13 years ago @ http://jenhasapen.com/ - Avoiding · 1 reply · +1 points

Whenever I see a lie/lay that looks suspicious, I open up my chart from the publisher I proofread for, as it is so common, and so difficult.
LIE is to be in a horizontal position, no direct object. (So this is the infinitive form of the verb you want)
LAY is to put or place something. Uses a direct object.
...now here is where it gets confusing...
Looking at my chart for "To Lie" and going to the past tense, it is "He lay." Yup. Lay is the past tense of Lie.
If you were writing this in the present tense, it would read "After years of close calls, he now lies confused..."

If I'd been writing it, I wouldn't have automatically known. I'd have had to look it up to be sure! :)

13 years ago @ http://jenhasapen.com/ - Avoiding · 3 replies · +1 points

Your first paragraph is amazing... contrasting the unpleasantness of the sticky dispenser and polluted chunks with her willingness and need to have it anyway.
A little concrit:
whoose not who's
he lay confused not he lie confused
I love detail about the pilling coat. It's worn, like she is. And it ends on that melancholy note.

13 years ago @ http://bronxtoboulder.... - Flavor of the Month · 0 replies · +1 points

Killer first line!

And a little concrit...
I know exactly what you mean, however the wording implies that a revolving door itself is fast. The idea of the metaphor is that the next one comes in while the first one is going out. Maybe "His love life was a revolving door..." or some other wording.

This would be a great introduction to the characters. I don't think it stands alone, because the gold ring leaves too many questions.

Do you think you'll use these characters again?

On another note... I grew up in Colorado (Longmont... AKA Boulder's bedroom community) and am currently living in exile in Vermont lol! I really want to go back. How do you like Boulder?

13 years ago @ http://scootersmusings... - Safe at Home · 0 replies · +2 points

When I write distracted, I'll look back over what I've done and realize that I have duplicate words in almost every single sentence within a paragraph lol!

13 years ago @ http://scootersmusings... - Safe at Home · 2 replies · +2 points

I know that most Friday posts are fiction, but this reads as it could be memoir... is it? I see the tag is memoir. It is beautifully written, and beautifully remembered.

One little concrit is that I'd suggest not repeating the word "now" twice so closely together.

13 years ago @ http://themhalf.blogsp... - Fiction Friday: The Party · 0 replies · +1 points

That's great!
One nice thing about blog posts... you can always go back and change anything, even after it's published lol!

13 years ago @ http://themhalf.blogsp... - Fiction Friday: The Party · 2 replies · +2 points

What a great little scene!
You did a great job showing the reader what Juliana was feeling.
A little concrit:
Having 2 characters with H names had my eyes glancing back through the story to remember which was which.
When Hank thinks "Oh good, he smiled back..." the thought should either be in quotes or italics.
Carrie is brand new, and we've already met Hank. It makes more sense to say "Harold's wife Carrie" instead of "Carrie joined her husband..."
I love that you use the word POP!!! We moved back east 15 years ago and had to stop ourselves from saying it! Here in New England, I have to say SODA. I miss living back west.

13 years ago @ http://themhalf.blogsp... - Flash Memoir: Crash · 1 reply · +1 points

Ah yes... the bangs! I remember them well.
I loved your give and take with the paramedic, and how you summed up the consequences of your love life, your academics, and the presidential election at the end!

13 years ago @ Midwest "Mom"... - http://midwestmomments... · 0 replies · +1 points

LOL! About halfway through, I was sure this was fiction, not memoir!

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