thesurfmonkey

thesurfmonkey

61p

50 comments posted · 0 followers · following 0

317 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Art of Cold Approa... · 18 replies · +10 points

Yep, definitely the monied/classist privilege at work there. And I think in a way it's a deliberate use of it, because it pulls the two people into an "us" (privileged people who can totally joke about going to jail because that would never happen) versus "them" (non-privileged people who might have been to jail or be close to someone who has, and who are excluded from this type of joking because it's a real thing).

319 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Fake It 'Til You Make It · 1 reply · +7 points

I kind of doubt you'll be able to explain it to them no matter what references you use. They'll keep hearing "nice guy" and think that yes, their son is a wonderful person, very nice, such a good catch, and if a nice woman just got to know him a bit better they would surely hit it off.

320 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - How To Make Dating Easier · 0 replies · +7 points

There can be friends with benefits who are real, close, emotionally connected friends, and there can be friends with benefits who only use the word "friends" within the overall term "friends with benefits" because it's a convenient cultural shorthand for the type of sex partner they are with that person at that time. It's a continuum. From what Marty said, it sounds like the situations she's describing are more in the convenient shorthand area of the continuum.

Or, you know, what enail said.

320 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - How To Make Dating Easier · 3 replies · +2 points

It sounds to me like you're not forming an emotional connection with the guy. Without an emotional connection, he might still be interested in a physical connection (the old FWB thing) but if he doesn't start feeling some feelings for you then the dating and relationship part doesn't happen. That's what I would concentrate on in this case, being able to form an emotional connection.

320 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - In Defense of Pick Up · 6 replies · +8 points

I think the advice in books like The Rules falls into some of the same type of traps as the advice for men in PU. It assumes that ALL men want a woman who is [whatever set of things the book says you should be], rather than acknowledging that men are not a monolith any more than women are, and different men want different things. Some men find a woman who falls very hard very fast to be clingy, where other men might find it romantic. Hard to do advice that doesn't treat the desired set of people as a monolith who can be figured out, and a set of keys made for all who purchase the right book.

322 weeks ago @ HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek... - A Place Of Respect · 0 replies · +4 points

"Addams Family Values" is an underrated classic for the ages.

323 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Time... · 0 replies · +2 points

*grin* Basic Instructions is one of my favorites!

323 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Time... · 6 replies · +5 points

I've got to throw in a Basic Instructions for this one: http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2...

326 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Ne... · 0 replies · +4 points

Oh, wow, that totally sucks! You should not have to put up with that garbage, and your friends should not be blaming you for his rage problems. Not at all.

Also, your comment totally reminded me of this post: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-st...

I hope your friends stop jumping over the missing stair and fix it instead!

326 weeks ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Ne... · 0 replies · +1 points

Wow, tough indeed but it sounds like you're doing an amazing job.