Jeff,

I really do agree with you on what you have said. Women have emasculated men so much that they are no longer even attracted to them. Our family has chosen not to have a television for many years now, but on the occasion that they are with a grandparent and are watching a cartoon with them, there are many seemingly innocent shows we won't let them watch because the mom is always acting like the dad is just another one of her children. It's inferred that men are incompetent. It drives me absolutely nuts and it's in almost everything. Children are "taught" at a very young age to look down at men.

On the other hand, I do think that, in this culture, women who fear the Lord and have a Biblical view of marriage can be intimidating to most men. A lot of men, even in the church, have grown accustomed to not having much required of them because of the feminist movement and women being so extremely independent. There were many men who were interested in me before I met my husband (I was not into casual dating, however), but they knew that I held to the Biblical roles for marriage and that was just too much responsibility to them. They wanted a woman who would take the reigns so they didn't have to and I was not about to do that. When my husband walked in the door, he literally took the world by storm. He is a leader type through and through and would never have married a woman who tried to fulfill his Biblical role. He just had to wait a while to marry because it was so hard to find a woman who follows the Bible on this.

The other night, my husband asked me what kind of things I thought about my future husband doing for me when I was single. I told him that I didn't think of my future husband doing anything for me at all. I knew I wanted a strong Christian man who would fulfill his role as the head of our household as stated in the Bible but, honestly, I didn't think about what I wanted done for me but what I could do to help undergird him.

Every day when I would pray for a husband, I would say, "Lord, please give me a man I can serve." When I said that, my husband laughed out loud and said, "Boy, you better be careful what you pray for, honey! I think you got way more than you bargained for in that area!"

My husband is a Command Man through and through and, such as kings do, they want to constantly be served. It's am extremely demanding job, but it's God's ways for a wife and I would rather go to bed exhausted at the end of the day in obedience to the Lord than a bitter, independent, rebellious woman who does marriage the world's way. Sadly, the concept of leading a wife has become so stigmatized in the modern church that most Christian men think it's more trouble than its worth. How different our churches and families would look if we did things God's way.

This is excellent, Mrs. M. You captured all the unique gifts wives and mothers sh I uld be using to minister to their own households, rather than out in the work and hobby world. One of the things my husband said attracted him to me was how knowledgeable I was about politics and how unusual it was for him to meet a Christian woman with a Biblical worldview in that arena. The funny thing is that none of my siblings ever had any interest in politics. I didn't at first, but it was a subject that was important to my father and I decided to learn about it at a young age as a way to spend time with him and to show interest in what he was interested in. I eventually became interested over time as well. God knew that an interest in politics would be important to my future husband, even though I had no way of knowing ahead of time. I always encourage wives to learn about and show interest in the things their husband is interested in. It doesn't have to be every single thing he likes, but the things that are higher on his list that he desires to share with you.

When our kids get to a certain age (young by most standards), they begin to learn how to prepare some basic meals. Most mothers don't want to take the time to teach their children how to read, clean, cook, converse, etc. because it's time-consuming initially. It takes time, sure, but it saves so much time in the long run and actually prepares them for being successful adults. My girls can easily change the worst of diapers by the time they are 4 years old and that's a handy skill to learn. One of our young children are receiving "Financial Peace Jr." by Dave Ramsey for Christmas instead of toys (we only keep a very small amount of toys in the home and they become very creative with regular household items). They will be absolutely ecstatic when they see it! That particular child is a "Go-To/Creative" child and positively glows with any chance they have to be in charge and responsible for things. We have a lot of strong personalities in our home and I always joke with our oldest that we will never have a shortage of people willing to be in charge of something. In fact, with me being probably the least naturally "in charge" personality in the home, I have the fun and creative job of delegating different responsibilities to different children and letting them lead in that special area after they've been equipped for the task. That is a skill that many women waste in the work force when they could raise up those qualities in their children.

You are dead on about all the necessary traits for a wife and mother to have to run her household. It's no meaningless requirement and the reason so many children lack basic self-control, discipline, and life skills is because Mom is usually too busy pouring her energy into people outside of her home.

Sadly, this wife's erroneous talking points really all boil down to her most telling statement of all: She doesn't believe God's Word.

One of her arguments is that she has seen both husband - led and wife - led marriages and "neither of them work". The fact that she even compares the two tells you the rebellion that has infiltrated her heart. First off, I have known so few husband - led marriages in my life (maybe less than 5%) and, among those 5%, maybe 2% of them have a wife who truly submits right away, rather than the other 3% who eventually gets around to it after much argument because their husband is godly enough to put his foot down and lead regardless. The "husband led" marriages she said she has seen that are not peaceful are most probably the result of a wife who is seething behind the scenes, even though she keeps quiet. (That is not submission, by the way)

The few wives I know who TRULY submit to their husbands with a joyful heart reap the harvest of a joyful home. If there is no joy or peace, it's almost always because there is rebellion in the heart.

I think that one of the most crucial statements Debi makes in this chapter is on page 43 when she says that her marriage is delightful, not because her husband is perfect, or loves her like Christ, is sensitive to her needs, or is a strong spiritual leader. Her marriage is glorious because of the choices SHE makes everyday.

This is an imperative truth that I learned during the hardest time in our marriage, when there were so many glaring big - deal issues my husband was working through and I had to learn to find the good in him and treat him as the man God called him to be, rather than the man he was behaving like. This takes a tremendous amount of self-control and, at first, it was more strenuous than pulling teeth! But, in not much time at all, I found myself looking at my husband more respectfully and favorably, in spite of his shortcomings, and realized how wrong I had been to ever think that my frustration with my husband was because of anything other than my own choices in how I choose to look at him. When I changed my heart, my husband was resistant at first because he didn't feel that he deserved the grace I was showing him, but it eventually caused him to open his heart up to me in ways he hadn't for a long time. I had to become a safe place for him to come to when he fought his battles. I learned to not become offended so easily and to acknowledge and praise him for the effort he was making. I praised him in front of our children and their admiration and respect for him grew, in spite of the battle behind the scenes. This made him WANT to become a better man because of how we treated him when he wasnt.

Wives need to accept that they have the most amount of power in the relationship to turn things around for good. We must choose daily to control our thoughts, attitudes, and words for the glory of God. In a world where women are increasingly shirking their responsibilities in every area, we must choose to take the necessary step to make our marriages glorious, whether or not our husbands are meeting us halfway.

(I already own a copy of the book, so no need to include me. :-))

And think about what ISIS would do to women soldiers if they captured any. Their disdain for American women is even greater than their disdain for American men. We know what they do to their own women. Can you imagine what they would do to ours?? PTSD is hard enough on men. I shutter to think of the damage combat would do to women.

You know what, Lori? I am seeing this everywhere. My frustration with many churches, as well, is that many don't address immodesty in the believing members. I expect unbelievers to live and dress in an immodest way, but if we are helping others come to Christ and are not addressing how they live and dress after they become saved, it becomes a potential stumbling block to other believers (and a bad example to children).

I am shocked at how many believers and church volunteers wear low cut tops and very short shorts, even while serving. The world has enough temptations that we don't need the church to be a continuation of that. When the leadership does not set a standard in areas like this, they are perpetuating the objectifying of women and allowing sin and temptation to reign in the house of the Lord. I'm not sure that there are a whole lot of men in most churches who are actually able to focus on the message and fellowship because of all of the women revealing themselves at every turn. It's sad that most Christians don't seem to be very set apart from the world.

Hi Jennifer,

When it comes to making something an idol, you will do best to ask the Lord to search your heart and show you any area of life you are putting before Him or more important things. I think of the cleaning idol as being present when your whole identity is wrapped up in the perfection of your home and you experience great anxiety if it's ever not that model of perfection.

Keeping and maintaining a clean and tidy home honors the Lord and we will always grow frustrated in any area of life if we are doing work in order to receive thanks and accolades from others. Although it would be nice to be thanked for your hard work, it doesn't make the job less worthy of being done if you don't, and the Lord will see your hard work and reward it in heaven. I would much rather earn heavenly thanks from the Lord, rather than the temporary praise of man. Clean your home with joy out of praise and gratefulness to the Lord with the home he has provided for you.

Regarding your husband and sons: It's not your husbands role to keep the home, so I would encourage you to let go of any frustrations or expectations of him in this area. If he helps of his own accord, emphasize your thankfulness with a kiss and a smile. When it comes to your sons, they are your children and they need to obey the rules you have set up and it's important that you reinforce them. Our children are required to fulfill their duties with a smile and good attitude. Any complaining or laziness is not something we tolerate because it doesn't honor the Lord and is rebellion against authority. Require them to follow through with obedience. That's a non-negotiable in the Holy book. :-)

Yes, exactly, Ken. I think every women knows, deep down, that there's not a thing our husband can do go turn us on if we are mentally dead set on not being turned on because of destructive thoughts. The Bible says over and over that sin and destruction begins in our mind and thoughts. Unless a woman is in a truly dangerous home situation, more often than not, if she's finding it hard to climax, she can largely cure the problem by renewing her mind and thinking on the things that reignite her desires for her man.

I really believe that the reason women seemingly are "ready for sex" quicker with an affair or around someone they are obsessed with is just because they've been thinking about them in that context so much leading up to it that they are already "warmed up" because of those sexual thoughts going round and round so much prior to being with them. I believe that the mind is every bit as powerful for women when it comes to sex as it is for men. Those who saved themselves for their wedding night probably didn't have any trouble climaxing quickly (unless they were in pain, of course) because they were thinking about it and looking forward to it their whole wedding day! What happens over time, however, is that wives get busy thinking about things that need to be done or replay their irritation with their husband over and over so much that it would take at least 15 minutes on a high setting to turn their mind around so that their body can respond physically.

I absolutely believe that women are still crock pots (even women who have affairs). The magic of "eagerness" is all in what a wife chooses to think about her husband throughout the day and especially right before she sees him. I've had days where I was pushing the replay button of something my husband said over and over and making myself downright dislike him. Then the Lord convinced me, I repented, and chose to spend the 30 minutes before I was going to see him thinking about the things I love about him and all the physical aspects I find sexy. Then, instead, I chose to replay in my mind the details of many great times we've had sexually, and by the time he was home, I wanted him to bad I could have beat the 5 minute record!

We wives would do well to intentionally spend time thinking about our husbands sexually before we see them on the bedroom and I think, in most cases, the time will be extremely enjoyable for both parties.

Ah, our "self-sufficient" nation of people who are doing just fine without a God to mess up our preparation for a failed marriage. Whatever happened to trusting God to bless and provide when tragedies strike? But let's not sabotage our marriages by preparing for them to fail ahead of time. This society will never make sense to me. "No fault divorce" has taken the stigma away from severing a lifetime commitment before a Holy God and that is a crying shame that has ruined the fabric of our nation.