Love the red one. Some great clothes on the website!

Excellent!

Ha! That's such a typical family scene!

So Novemberish!

I did know what you meant :) That's the same approach as we have taken with DD ie. I never really wiped her bottom, just gave her the loo roll or wipes and taught her how to check she was clean. She does occasionally ask us to look to see if she has done it properly (bleck!) and thankfully she always has.

I just sympathise with Kat because we get locked in similar battles with our DD where she wants to be independent and grown up most of the time, but will flip out about seemingly silly things and she's so strong willed no amount of persuasion tactics seem to work. I think sometimes it is easy to forget about things like that as your children get older, I was with an 18 month old diva the other day and was surprised at how much I'd forgotten about how DD was at that age.

Oh, and PS, I'm glad it's not just me having these kind of stand-offs. We have the same, different issues, but same shit (pardon the pun!).

Frugal Queen, she's only 4! They get silly ideas in their head at that age and are very stubborn. I doubt if any mothers still wipe their kids' bottoms at 11!

Kat, we have had similar (my DD is 4 in October), but our problem was pooing in night time nappies and refusing to use the loo. Over the last few months, we have managed to conquer it by taking away the night time nappy option and we have been teaching her to wipe herself too. She prefers to use wipes, as Susie suggested. Can you just send her to school with some wipes and maybe some 'special soap' in case she does get poo on her hands?

I think she'll be fine. Sometimes they just need a push in the right direction and if she is as adaptable as she seems from what you've said, I reckon she'll get into the habit of doing it on her own.

Good luck!

That photo has brought back a load of memories for me too: the socks, the brownies uniform, the retro car!

Funny how our 70s childhood looks so old fashioned now!

Guilt is without doubt the Doom of Mothers!

(so remember the things you do well, and take credit when your children do well too, because we're the first to beat ourselves up when they get it wrong)

I'm in a similar position really. The only difference is that I had fertility issues when I had DD three and a half years ago, and we'd been trying for nearly 3 years to have her. Because we knew it might be difficult, we never went back to using contraception, and I have to admit I did hope that I would be one of the women you hear of who have a hard time getting pg the first time, but then get pregnant with a second the minute their husband takes his trousers off!

Anyway, that didn't happen, so when DD was two I started having tests again, and again there isn't really anything that can be fixed, just my results look like an older woman's (I was 33) and to get cracking with IVF asap. That was in Feb 09, and I still can't decide what to do.... IVF seems like such an investment financially and emotionally, so at the moment we're just leaving it to fate.

However, I have been exactly where you are! In a complete dilemma about what I wanted - this is what makes the IVF decision seem so huge. I have to admit, the worst time was when C was around your sons age, and in the last year or so it has got immeasurably easier. For one thing, she is much better company - I really loved having a baby around, but now she is utterly fascinating and it's so funny to hear how her mind works. I honestly don't think anyone can make me laugh as much as she can. She sleeps better, so I don't feel resentful and groggy anymore. She has the free nursery place (although being in London we have to pay a top up) and she has great fun there - they have definitely improved her manners for one thing, and I get a three hour break 3 hours a week which means I can do more chorey stuff while she's there and spend my time with her doing fun things and really enjoy having her around.

In terms of 'me', I feel so much more human now. I'm just finishing my first evening class. On Friday, I'm going to have my hair cut, my legs waxed and then off to meet friends at Chelsea flower show - I'm going to be out from about 10am-10pm. I NEVER did that a couple of years ago (I know I could have, but being of slightly neurotic disposition I always thought about what could go wrong). I think I spent a long time in a state of shock: first of all I was shocked by having a hard time getting pregnant (including miscarriages), then with being pregnant, then with the reality of having a baby and all that entails... suddenly I didn't feel shocked anymore and just felt content, but as I say, I did go through a long phase feeling like you do. Maybe it's one of those things that you just have to go through to get out of if you know what I mean?

At the moment, I can honestly say, I genuinely feel quite happy with my lot. I check in with myself every now and then to see if NOW would be a good time to go ahead with IVF, but I actually feel that however things turn out, they'll be fine. If I get pregnant and have another child, that will be ace, but if I don't, C will be fine and she'll get to have a lot of advantages that I never had as a child!

I think whatever the family structure, kids can have a great childhood. I'm hoping that if C is an 'only' we'll be considerate of the fact that there might be times when she feels lonely and we'll do our best to help her with that. I know even as one of four, there were times when I felt lonely too, as there is only so much you can have in common with your siblings. I worry more about what her adulthood will be like. Will she end up caring for me and the OH for instance? I can't really worry about that though because who knows in the end........

So, I don't really have any advice for you, but I did want you to know that I've kind of been through it and out the other side, and genuinely feel quite happy now with the prospect of only one child. On the other hand, I know loads and loads of people who have thought 'fuck it, let's have another...' and that's worked out just fine too.

Not much help really, am I? Sorry for such a long, rambly message that is all about me! I don't think that there is really advice for this kind of thing, but I hope that sharing experiences helps.