If I had that button, that "Cease now, please" button I would have died at 13. At 17. At 20. At 21. At 25. At 27. You would think I have learned that a better day will come when I won't want to push that button, that all I have to do is hold on. Yet this year at 37 having relapsed into active bipolar, guess what, I'm looking for the button. A few weeks ago I truly believed that a humane and just society would allow clinics like Dignitas for severely depressed people, so that we might make the logical choice to end our suffering in a caring and supportive environment, so that we would not have to take our own lives in messy and violent ways that disturb our relatives even more. I could not understand why in the 21st century this was not available. Three weeks on, and I am feeling, if not glad, OK with being alive. Yesterday I even had fun and began to enter into the Christmas spirit making decorations. But that's not it, I'm not "fixed". I expect to look for the button again (and, if I'm unlucky, go further into active suicide planning) before this episode is done with me. Thanks for sharing what so many people experience but probably keep quiet about.