Two of my earliest memories are nightmares.

One I'm not sure I can even call a nightmare, because I'm pretty sure I was awake, or at least mostly awake, when it was happening, though it only ever happened at night. Essentially I was experiencing everything around me in a state of hyper-intense, Fall-of-the-House-of-Usher sensory overload. It's hard to explain the sensation, but imagine everything you center your view on becomes zoomed-in, occupying almost your entire field of vision in somehow-terrifying detail, pulsing slightly in and out, and every sound you hear - the wind and traffic outside, the hiss of a radiator, the creak of a floorboard - is both amplified and perfectly acoustically separate and distinguishable from every other sound you're hearing, despite the fact that they are all completely deafening. And some of the sounds are coming from inside you - your blood pumping in your arteries, the high-pitched electrochemical whine of your panicked nervous system...
I could not have been much older than two when I was experiencing these, because I was still in a crib, and barely able to speak a few words (I'm told I called these nightmares "sweet bad music"). I can still remember almost every detail of the room as seen from that crib, and there are still a few things from that room - a bust-of-Mickey-Mouse piggy bank and a lamp styled like a clown with balloons, to name two - that to this day I cannot view without suppressing a shudder.

The other nightmare was much less interesting - there was a big plate-glass window at the landing of the main stairs of our house with a couple rows of smaller square windows above it, and I would have recurring nightmares about it turning into a giant spider-eyed face and trying to eat me. That one seems pretty silly now, but I spent a good few years of my childhood racing past that window every time I had to go up or down the stairs.

Speaking of horrors and abominations, are you sure it's a good idea to hang the bat house right over your bed there, Wadsworth?

(Fun fact - you can't keep bats in metal cages because their urine will eat right through the stuff in mere days. And by "fun" I mean "crazy and gross".)

dead kids these days, I tell ya.

I think you're right that she's stepping down, but I assume that means that her successor will be decided by the ancient rites of combat. Which should liven up their spring festival quite a bit, I would think.

"I met one agitator who is here who just flew in hours ago."

Been having conversations with the bathroom mirror again?

I think "comments policy" (or should I say "no-comments policy") belongs in there somewhere. Also holy cow this comment thread is three pages long I'm in over my head here.

I don't always gorge myself on the couch and binge-watch Netflix, but when I do, I prefer... Dos Burritos.

"I don't even know what the sides are in the culture war."

"Well, your side hates my side because you think we think you're stupid, and my side hates your side because we think you're stupid."

They are just trying to show their commitment to American values like Life, Liberty, and the Fursuit of Happiness.

Whereas the Bible of course consistently condemns rape in the strongest possible... Oh what's that?

"If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."

OK well having to marry your rapist sounds pretty awful, but this is still an attempt to levy some punishment against rape, however primitive or misguided... I mean you can't say the Bible condones -

"Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."

Sure, ok, I guess that's basically condoning rape but you have to understand it was the Bronze Age, warring tribes everywhere, this sort of thing wasn't all that uncommo-

"...so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go.

"Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light. And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

"And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place.

"And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel.

"And it was so, that all that saw it said, There was no such deed done nor seen from the day that the children of Israel came up out of the land of Egypt unto this day: consider of it, take advice, and speak your minds."

Man, the Bible is FUCKED UP.