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12 years ago @ Offbeat Bride - Alyssa & Brian's dark ... · 0 replies · +1 points

This is not really advice but something I didn’t realize before the wedding, but am so happy we did it — having a person that knows each of us so well join us in marriage was so meaningful and made the ceremony seem much more intimate.

YES! My bridesmaid's dad is a city judge, and he is performing our ceremony. I've known him (and the bridesmaid, and the rest of her family) since I was six years old. I'm really psyched that he's doing our ceremony, and he sounded equally excited about it.

12 years ago @ Offbeat Bride - Acknowledging and lear... · 0 replies · +1 points

The "thank yous" are huge. We're big on those. "Thank you for dinner tonight." "Thank you for doing the laundry." "Thank you for picking the dog up from daycare." Etc. I think it's really important to still THANK your partner for doing something that helps you, even if it's something he/she should be doing anyway. So what? If it makes YOUR life better in some way, that means you should therefore share your gratitude.

12 years ago @ Offbeat Bride - Acknowledging and lear... · 0 replies · +1 points

Yes yes yes.

Mine and my FH's biggest imbalance regards obligation - in that, I feel obligated to do/attend certain things/events, particularly when it comes to my family, and he ... doesn't. There's a number of reasons for this - i.e., his family dynamic is different than mine, that with the exception of one year, he's always lived at least 3+ hours from his family since college (and, actually, with the exception of the past 3 1/2 years, it's was more like 6+ hours) and I've never lived FURTHER than that from mine; etc.

So, for example, I feel an obligation to attend so-and-so random cousin's kid's 8th bday party in lieu of, say, something cool and interesting and fun that I'm missing out on if I attend ... and he DOESN'T. Getting him to go with me is like pulling teeth. On his end, he sees it as getting me to say, "Sorry, I can't go to this one, maybe next time," is like pulling teeth. We've found middle ground on this (I am more selective about how much I will drop for my family; he's more willing to go with me to the important ones), but it is definitely a tug of war. I like to think we're both better people for it (I stand up for myself more and don't let people take advantage of me; he is more open and willing to tolerate, and dare I say ENJOY, things he doesn't think will be fun for him).

He said to me, a few days after we got engaged, "No! There will be no social politics in planning our wedding!" Oh ... really? Have fun trying to stick to that. In the meantime, I'll run interference.