Having one of those days are you? The injustice of it all tends to hit me, hard, when I least expect it. It SHOULD be about us. But it's not. And people don't get why that pisses me off. Do you know that a lot of hospitals keeps a photographer on staff for "professional baby pictures" the day babies are born? But adoptees are special snowflakes. The earliest picture I have of me is a polaroid they send my APs before they adopted me to see if I was suitable. That picture makes my stomach roll. My APs had professional pics done of me right away (at two months) and I keep telling myself that's when babies start to get really cute. Still... Gerr.

I love chocolate cake too... And I love this post. It's nice to remember the good stuff sometimes :-)

Thank you all for your kind words, and thank you to Deanna for sharing my story.

Being a secret was (and is) hard. It was one of the worst parts about my reunion, though I am still glad that I reached out and reunited. Eventually, I realized that I was being treated poorly and that I deserved better. I cut off contact for the most part and let my natural parents know that the reason was that I would long longer tolerate being kept a secret. I never said I wouldn't spill the beans to anyone, but I have pretty much walked away from the situation at this point. We do not have a relationship because I have realized that even though they are using an excuse, it is THEIR choosing to keep me a secret. I deserve better and I know it.

I think that a huge part of being able to move on is the fact that I have separated them from my faith. It is THEM, not the church, who is in the wrong here. I don't blame my faith or God for their actions because we all have free will. I'm not going to lie, it hurt when they made the decision that keeping me a secret was more important to them than keeping me in their lives. I was able to get through that hurt because of my faith. I keep thinking back to the footprints poem, and I realize that God's been with me this whole time, carrying me when things were tough, and it's helped me to get through.

I don't know if my natural parents will ever "see the light". At this point, I don't think they will. I've learned to set my expectations very low with them. Then they have the opportunity to surprise me at some point but I'm not disappointed if they don't. I hope they come around someday because it's negatively affecting my sisters (but it's up to my sisters to have that conversation with them).

Plus this whole thing makes me more grateful that I have an amazing church. Clearly my natural parents do not.
My recent post How The Church Hurt Me at Adoptee Restoration

I can tell you a bit about Massachusetts (where I was adopted). It's a tiered access state. Born before July 17, 1974 and you can get your OBC. Born after January 1, 2008, you can get your OBC. Born in between? No dice without a court order.
For information on the Adoptee Rights Demonstration, here's the website: http://www.adopteerightscoalition.com/p/ard-13.ht...

I can tell you a bit about Massachusetts (where I was adopted). �It's a tiered access state. �Born before�July 17, 1974 and you can get your OBC. �Born after January 1, 2008, you can get your OBC. �Born in between? �No dice without a court order.
For information on the Adoptee Rights Demonstration, here's the website: �http://www.adopteerightscoalition.com/p/ard-13.html

I'm sorry to hear about your secret reunion. It's hard. I really struggled with my own for a very long time. I'm also very sorry to hear that your aparents did not react well. Mine did not react the way I wanted them to, but that's on them, not on me (well, more my adad than my amom). I can't control their reactions, but I can control mine so I've been trying to focus on that lately.

I usually try to gauge others. If I think things are going well, I'll elaborate. If not, I back off the topic and switch to something else. It's exhausting, I agree!

My original parents married each other so the jealousy thing is a topic I can't really touch on by maybe others could...
My recent post Got Questions?

Thanks Deanna! It means a lot :-) I consider myself lucky that they were there for me. I have other relatives that did not react as well as in the post and it contributed to my fear. However, I'm learning that just because one person behaves badly doesn't mean that everyone will. In the end, I have to respect everyone for being different and give them the change!
My recent post Got Questions?

Thanks Laura. I'm enjoying this whole being open thing. It's very freeing and something I would recommend!
My recent post Got Questions?

Thanks Trace! It's always nice to feel appreciated :-)
My recent post Got Questions?

Congrats on the Masters! That's awesome!!!!