IntenseDebate - hardlyfatal

14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - It's Just A Flesh Woun... · 0 replies · +2 points

And isn't that just lovely? To be able to drop that heavy burden of responsibility, that duty to Do Something, and just... be? That, in that moment, there nothing to BE done, that all is perfect, just to observe and process and release. <3
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Too Perfect Tuesdays -... · 1 reply · +2 points

My abusive ex was like that, too. By the time I left him, after a lifetime of my mother and 4 years of him doing it, I seriously began to doubt my own sanity. They were always talking about how I'd done or said something wrong and people disliked me for it, contradicting anything I said, until I couldn't trust any of my own perceptions because I was convinced I was wrong. It took years for me to begin to trust myself and my instincts and my knowledge again.

I'm so happy that your sister had you to defend and stand up for her! Sorry your g-ma would do such things in the first place, and re: the will, that's just cruelty. But I bet if you ask your sister, the fact that there was someone who actually gave a damn enough to confront your g-ma means just so much to her.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Too Perfect Tuesdays -... · 1 reply · +2 points

"...sometimes there are fabulous discoveries there, just because you (if you're a good parent) let your child discover and pursue their own interests."

There's so much we could have done together, so much common ground we could have found. Instead, there was intolerance and criticism, and the end result was that I have LOATHED my mother for the about 90% of my life.

That snippet about Teddy and the Controller? Yeah. We went to counseling, and somehow it turned into The "How Hardly Sucks" Show, with the result that she decided I was lying about there being a recession in order to avoid working* so she kicked me out with the suggestion I find a homeless shelter.

*No idea why she'd think this, as I have worked from the day I turned 14 and always paid my way, sometimes working 2 or 3 jobs to get by. A completely cracked-out, no -basis-at-all accusation, but then, that's her specialty.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Walking A Mile in Thei... · 1 reply · +2 points

I'm so sorry to hear of your assault, but the relief I feel to hear you say you understand-- I feel so VALIDATED, you know? That someone else agrees with me that the mental violation is worse than the physical one.

My friends are all blessed enough to have had far healthier upbringings and less trauma in their adult lives, and I feel they get tired of having me either be gloomy if I'm having a down day, or hearing me mention the things that have happened to me. I feel like they think I yap on about it too much and geez, can't I get over it?
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Too Perfect Tuesdays -... · 0 replies · +2 points

And I'm finally learning to appreciate that, and see the beauty in it. Staying with an old friend who is on the verge of becoming a hoarder, and who talks incessantly, has helped me appreciate it all the more.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Birthdays, Glee, and t... · 0 replies · +2 points

Oh that's so wonderful! I am rooting for you! If you need any help/editing/someone to bounce thoughts off of, let me know! I'm considered an excellent beta reader. I'm a writer, myself, and have just started an original novel after writing over a million words of fanfiction.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - The Smallest Hoard Beg... · 1 reply · +2 points

Oh, I LOVE that idea! Thank you so much for making that connection between those things and that job, because it makes it so much easier for me to accept their loss.

I am a little proud of myself for being able to withstand the loss of all my things-- I meditated on it SO much: they're just things, just objects. Things I mutter at the hoarders on the TV, in fact. And once they were gone, I did, and do, feel... free. Clean. Unburdened.

I'm hoping to be able to avoid acquiring too much stuff from now on, because what upset me the most about getting rid of it all was not so much its loss but how much I hated how bereft losing it made me feel-- I hated having that attachment to inanimate objects.

It was a prime lesson in attachments à la Buddhism, and I wouldn't exchange that for all my stuff back.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - It's Just A Flesh Woun... · 1 reply · +2 points

I've done some insight meditation, which is about observing and feeling and just processing emotions and thoughts without acting on them, in a state of acceptance, without judgment or negativity. And it's amazing to sit and watch the thoughts and emotions rise and fall, ebb and flow, like waves, and eventually you get to observing them all as the same, rather like snowflakes: individual, even beautiful, but temporary, separate from yourself, and gone in the space of a heartbeat.

Very calming. I need to get back into doing it.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Too Perfect Tuesdays -... · 1 reply · +2 points

Yep, this was my mother and her mother. I was double-teamed by them most of my life, to where I was so relieved when Grandma died, and then felt hideously guilty for feeling that way.

Even when shown empirical proof that I was right, they'd find SOMETHING to single out for criticism. I remember one year, I made a fantastic Christmas morning brunch for the whole family (over a dozen people).

They agreed with all the extended family how great it was, but come Easter, when I wanted to cook again, it was, "I don't know... that brunch didn't turn out so well." As if they forgot how they'd eaten 4 servings and agreed with all the compliments from the extended family, etc. So, so, so confusing.
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14 years ago @ http://perfectlyawfulu... - Too Perfect Tuesdays -... · 1 reply · +2 points

This is my mother to a T. When I was still young and couldn't escape her, it was just horrible to be forced to do things or eat foods I hated because SHE liked them and SHE was always the arbiter of all taste. And the whole time we'd argue about it, she'd be dropping comments about "difficult" I was, and demanding, "What's WRONG with you??"

Example: she would dress me in ruffled frocks and do my hair in Shirley Temple curls and enter me in dozens of beauty pageants like Jon-Benet Ramsay. I was a tomboy, and shy, so being tarted up like that and paraded in front of hundreds of strangers was like Chinese water torture. But when I would protest against doing that, I was "difficult" and "wrong".

Being old enough to move out and be able to just walk out the door when she got going on how I was wrong about something and being difficult again... ah, that was MAGICAL. It would literally make my day. Sure, I'd have to hear later about how rude I was, but until that point... ahhhhh. :)
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