For a college class, we had to read Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants." Afterward, the instructor asked, "So, just to make sure we're all on the same page here, what's the 'operation' the characters are discussing?"

Very confidently, one boy raised his hand and announced, "Rhinoplasty."

I've been the LW's girlfriend in this situation, unfortunately. For what it's worth, here's how it went down for the entire latter half of my four-year relationship with my ex:

Him: "I don't think I can do this anymore. You're making me unhappy in X, Y, and Z ways."
Me: "I'm so sorry! I'll change in X, Y, and Z ways."
Him: "Hmm, I don't know if that will help, but we'll see..."
[Months pass; then the conversation happens again, verbatim. Repeat for years.]

In retrospect, I certainly wish I'd just said at some point, "Okay, I guess this isn't working. Bye." But in defense of the LW's girlfriend, sometimes "trying to break up" really means "perpetually dangling the threat of a breakup over her head so as to always get your way in the relationship because she feels like she's on permanent probation." When he finally did break up with me, I was genuinely shocked, because he'd faked me out so many times. Afterward, though, the relief was sweet.

Thank you for The Hoax Project link! Hoaxes are my favorite things and I could read about them forever, so this website is definitely going to take over my life. After a cursory look at the site, I've already discovered the Slate "monkeyfishing" scandal -- how did I not know about that?!

Okay, I have to know: WHICH POKEMON?

My college boyfriend, who fancied himself a great outdoorsman, insisted on taking me on a really intense desert hike to a waterfall in a canyon. It was summer, and blazingly hot, and after a few hours I began to develop symptoms of heatstroke (almost fainting/vomiting), but he insisted that it would all be worth it when we got to the waterfall. Finally, we got to the waterfall. Except there was no waterfall -- just a dried-out hole. Because it was summer in the desert.

Frustrated but undaunted, he suggested we hike back to the car and go on another hike to another waterfall in another canyon. It was getting pretty late in the day at this point, but I agreed, because I really wanted to have a nice day with him. We made it successfully to this next waterfall, though it was pretty crowded with other hikers. He suggested we wait for them all to leave so we could have sex in the wilderness. I agreed.

Well, it took the other hikers a long time to leave; by the time we were alone, it was getting pretty dark in the canyon. I was nervous and kept pointing this out to him, but he repeatedly reassured me with the following explanation: "The sky only LOOKS dark because we're in the canyon. But it's actually daytime outside of the walls of the canyon. Once we hike back, you'll see that it's actually still daytime."

I was nineteen and terrified of everything; he was twenty-one and so sure of himself. How could I doubt him?

You can probably guess what happened next, so I won't go into it, except to say that we were lost in the dark for hours and it was my first encounter with (multiple) rattlesnakes, which really do rattle at you, they're quite aptly named.

Afterward, he asked, "Are you breaking up with me?" but for some reason we stayed together for three more years and even lived together until he dumped me for accidentally using the bathroom sponge on the kitchen sink after he put fish in the food processor and it splattered everywhere. The End.

you'll like this, then: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1636310

Oh wow, that's so disturbing! I can't even imagine how scary that must have been for you, but I'm glad you're okay. Bodies are so mysterious.

I remember that placenta-eating scene too! I think it was a musk ox. (What IS a musk ox?)

Ha! I shared your fascination with dominance and submission during my wolf phase -- there was something so compelling about it, wasn't there? It would be interesting to poll the BDSM community and see how many of them went through a wolf phase too.

(hugs)

My most embarrassing memory from middle school: I accidentally handed in a written paper on the back of which I'd doodled all my original wolf characters, labeled with names like Snow Berry. Worse yet, I handed it in not just to the teacher, but for PEER-EDITING. All my classmates saw it, and one of them very nicely complimented me on the drawings, which was somehow more mortifying than if they'd mocked me.