I'm so glad I clicked on this.

I go to college in Boston, and that phrase used to get literally no reaction but now I all I get is concerned looks and gentle touches on the shoulder. It's hard, because I know people want to know where I was and if I knew anyone hurt but they don't want to ask and when they do it's immediately this uncomfortable silence and I feel like I'm talking in a vacuum.

And I can't say what I really want to say, which is that now I feel scared every day for my friends who live all over the country over the summer, and my girlfriend who works in a city. It's gotten better, but it used to be that every time I said goodbye to someone I was worried it would be the last time. But people don't want to know that. They want to know if I saw anything or if I heard anything or what it was like. It sucks.

Thanks for writing this. It made my feelings seem more normal and I feel way more grounded. :)

I can't wait until the constant feelings of unfounded jealousy that I now feel in the middle of an undergraduate writing program flourish into the elegant bitterness I see here. Plus side: I'll be able to legally and publicly drink wine.