I was too young and naive when we adopted (via foster care) almost 12 years ago. My son was adopted at birth - however, he suffered no neglect or abuse. His parents went about adoption in a rather unique way. We believe they kept the pregnancy a secret. They then crossed state lines with the intention of leaving their son at the hospital. Because they hadn't made a formal adoption plan - it went through the foster care system. It is a closed adoption. I searched long and hard online to find my sons first mom and dad. I know my son is going to want to make contact. I am more than willing to have an open adoption now - especially now that I know better. But I'm scared to death to make contact on my son's behalf. I'm petrified that he's going to be rejected again and I think he's awfully young to have to deal with that right now. What do you think about this?
My recent post the process of adoption through foster care

Here's a question for you though...will the diaper bag hold a 3-ring notebook? Two of my cherubs have had severe special needs which means I'm carrying around a tremendous amount of medical paperwork every time I go outside. I wanted a diaper bag with my last one that would hold a small amount of diaper stuff but also her "bible". Never did find a diaper bag to fit the bill. Ended up using just a $10 back pack from a box store. It was OK but is already falling apart. And having a few extra diaper bag pockets would have been nice!! (Like that diaper wipe pocket...GENIUS!!)
My recent post Fight • Flight • Freeze

Alright. I've got to be honest. 99% of the time if a blogger is reviewing something I rarely read the whole post. However, you caught me with the paragraph stating that the bag is designed with efficiency in mind. Because I honestly HATE diaper bags that have too many pockets and whatnot all over the place. I schlepped around several different models with my last baby and wasn't thrilled with any of them.

grrr.....half my comment was deleted and I don't remember what I said. So the edited version is going to be shorter.

anyway....I'm pretty sure I'll cough up the $100 for one of these should a baby cross my doorstep again.
My recent post Fight • Flight • Freeze

And then there is my part of Texas. I am required to be the parent and DO everything. (Which I'm more than willing to do always!!) I'm required to attend court. But as a foster parent, I have absolutely NO SAY in anything when it comes to what is in the best interests of the child. I hate that part. I wish we could have a voice.

With all those concerns, I think I'd really refrain from face to face contact right now. It doesn't seem to be a safe thing. You're right, there would have to be A LOT of boundaries. At best, if you REALLY want to meet in person, I would only do it in a public place where everyone can be participating in an activity together and I'd stipulate ahead of time that gifts aren't allowed. You might be able to make something like bowling, a movie, or something like that work. You would have to be right there all the time though monitoring the conversation to make sure appropriate boundaries are kept. Your goal right now is to raise your daughter - protect her and love her. And that might mean having to hurt the biological mom's feelings.

My gut reaction is that all contact needs to start out as written. Bio Mom can write both children letters and the children can respond if they want to. That way, if she truly is favoring just the one child, you can buffer things and know that moving forward with physical contact might not be appropriate right now. It will also give you a chance to monitor the contact should the bio mom say things that complicate things for your daughter. But really, any contact between your daughter and her biological mother is going to complicate things for awhile. I'd move slowly if I were you.

thank you so much!

The only comment I've got is that these terms apply to you and your neck of the woods. Over yonder...things can be quite different. If there's one thing that's for sure -- foster care is different everywhere you turn. Even things that are standard in my county are completely different 8 hours north in the very same state!

Some differences right off the top of my head:

In Texas, your DCF is called CPS (Child Protective Services) and in Iowa it's called DHS (Department of Human Services). Terms are different all over the place.

In my area, all the GALs are lawyers. Not sure we've got any Guardians that aren't. And not every kid gets a separate GAL. My Dude & Dolly spent over a year with their lawyer being assigned to both roles (Attorney ad litem AND Guardian ad litem). We also have CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) that can be volunteers. Not every case gets a CASA though!! They don't typically serve in the GAL role.

Our agency worker is called an SSW (Social Services Worker). Our State worker is also an SSW.

And those normalcy rules are different everywhere. I have to practically have a signed affidavit from God Himself giving me permission to hire a babysitter for a foster kid.

Your list is pretty good though. We foster parents do toss around a lot of terms that are foreign outside our circles. :)

Very interesting post!
I've always assumed that most professionals that refer to me as "mom" do so out of laziness more than anything. They don't have to learn or remember my name that way.

This is sooooo cool. I'm in the Valley, just outside McAllen as well. What a small world. :)

I looked into the IDEA schools when we moved down here 3 1/2 years ago. Honestly, they seemed a little too intense for me. I've even heard that once kids hit high school that IDEA will squeeze you out if a student isn't looking at going straight to college. They want to keep their numbers high and be able to say that 100% of their graduates go on to college. Sure...I want my high schooler to go on to higher education. But if he needs a year off after high school for any reason, I don't think his school should have a problem with that.

When we first got here I sent my younger two kids to a super tiny charter school in Edinburg that was done by IRA. They only had PreK-3rd grade. (I was incredibly intimidated by the larger brick & mortar in our area.) However, after watching how poorly that charter school was run for a full year, I moved both my little ones to the local public offering. I tried that one for two years and then had to throw up my hands. Everything was as Kristen described...not creative, not fun, not inventive in any way - just teaching to the test.

Now I've got my high schooler and my 3rd grader attending a virtual (online) high school. Unfortunately that school doesn't take students until 3rd grade so I'm traditionally homeschooling my 2nd grader. I feel it's the best situation given what other options there are. (I've never felt "called" to homeschool.) The stress level is down and my kids are enjoying the learning process. They aren't being constantly pressured about the benchmark and STAAR tests!

Unfortunately I'm required by law to send my foster children to brick and mortar school so I'm still dealing with the inadequacies of what is offered down here.