Both my partner and me are trans men. We either get read as a couple of ultra butch lesbians or very young, very feminine gay teenagers. Before I came out, I presented as a feminine straight woman and I was normatively attractive. I dated a normatively attractive cis straight guy for 3 years during this time. This article has made me think about how many factors play into how people respond to different couples in public, honestly because my experience just isn't like this at all. When I was perceived as a pretty, feminine young woman dating a handsome young, masculine man, all kinds of strangers would comment on how cute we were together, among other forms of especially positive (but largely uncomfortable and sexist) treatment we received. Strangers commenting on our straight relationship was not at all an anomaly. Not all my straight relationships were received this way in public --us both being normatively attractive was a really important element in our relationship being received this way. Obviously, the motivations behind people's comments toward a straight vs. gay relationship are going to be different, but I think the role of normative attractiveness here is still likely important. I have been with my current partner for three years and our relationship has literally never inspired any kind of positive comment in public. Regardless of how we are perceived --lesbians or gay boys/men (nobody looks at us and sees two 'gay trans men') --we are not normatively attractive and we really only receive negative treatment in public. Perhaps this is because no matter what gender we are perceived as being, we are both considered to be on the extreme ends of gender non-conformity and also most people think we are strange looking. Or perhaps because a lot of people feel like they can't tell what kind of queer couple we are --lesbian or gay --so they don't want to say anything.

F*** target, the fired me for being trans. Why exactly do we need to describe a corporation that crushes small business, unions, and has a terrible record of treating their employees poorly as having "general excellence"?

This post is the best.

Black Mirror = Men's Rights Activist dystopian fantasy

Like, the Christmas special was pretty much: "Oh nOoooOOO! In the future, technology and law enforcement have come together to give women complete and total control over how much contact they have with abusive stalkers. WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO"

This post made me think about the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode "Far Beyond the Stars" in which we see Captain Sisko imagining a 1960's alter ego for himself as a writer telling a sci-fi story about a spaceship with a black captain! It has past (Sisko as a writer), present-ish (the fact that DS9 aired in the 90's), and the future (Star Trek takes place in the future)! And just overall --in that show, we see Captain Sisko and several other black characters travel to different time periods and play all kinds of roles in hypothetical futures, presents, and pasts. It is an amazing show (though, not perfect by any stretch!) that I think, given how things have shifted, would be TOO RADICAL to have on TV now.

This post also reminded me of how, as a transgender man, I have always identified most with aliens in Sci-Fi franchises. They were the only characters that I thought were anything like me. Watching/reading sci-fi and fantasy stuff was the first way in which I ever remember feeling like there was someone like me being represented, even though there were literally ZERO actually queer characters in any of the things I was a fan of growing up. It was really interesting to read about afrofuturism and how someone experiencing a different/intersecting form of Otherness has interacted with pop culture representations of the future! I, too, love Janelle Monae!

I'd like to point out that, just as it is incredibly annoying and horrible that introverts are stereotyped as being loner serial killers, it's also annoying that people would cite "being an extrovert" as a reason someone might violate someone's boundaries (ex. barging uninvited into their room and demanding a conversation, invading their space). Both introverts and extroverts violate boundaries, and they don't do it because of their personality characteristics --they do it because they are failing to empathize and they lack respect for consent. Extroversion is frequently conflated with an inability to respect other people's space --it's not the same thing. The fact that lack of respect for consent is rampant in our society means that many extroverts DO violate boundaries, but not necessarily more often than introverts and not as a direct result of being extroverted. I grant you that when an extrovert does violate someone's space, they may choose to do it differently than an introvert does --but being an extrovert doesn't actually cause you to violate boundaries. You seem to be making a joke that actually undermines the point of the post --instead of critiquing the absurdity of stereotypes about personality traits like introversion/extroversion, you are perpetuating the stereotype that people who refuse to respect boundaries are axiomatically extroverts. A satirical post similar to this one could be written about that exact assumption (although, I grant you this assumption is less commonly acknowledged as existing) "Sorry I invaded your personal space, I'm an extrovert, which means I'm incapable of respecting boundaries."

People who lack respect for consent often use their personality characteristics or emotions as an excuse for their behavior --joking that someone who violates boundaries does so because they are extroverted serves to uphold this narrative. Being extroverted is more socially acceptable than being introverted. Being extroverted can mean being privileged in certain ways, but it's really only if you are extroverted AND ALSO look and act in normative ways. I am not trying to deny that extroverts get any privileges, what I am trying to do is point out that such jokes only feed into the ability of extroverts who do happen to also be assholes to believe that the reason their friend is upset is because that they have different personalities, not because people have a right to set their own boundaries and violating consent is wrong.

Also, not everyone is rewarded for being extroverted, nor are all extroverts rewarded equally. There can be a lot of pressure for members of marginalized groups to inhibit their extroversion and to not take up any social space. The cost of being perceived as chatting too much can be big, professionally, if you are a member of a marginalized group. Thus, the stereotype of introverts as loner serial killers is not the only problematic stereotype associated with personality traits and the relationship between being extroverted and being rewarded by society is not straightforward.

I really enjoyed Mallory's post, but the humor in some of these comments bothered me. By the way, I'm an ambivert.