IntenseDebate - booksnbeer

8 years ago @ The Toast - Great House Therapy: L... · 0 replies · +71 points

"He thinks the problem is reckoning with our heinous crimes, but I think we’re dealing with a mattress issue. It’s time to go Tempur-Pedic."

Love.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Discovering Emma Lathe... · 0 replies · +9 points

This is lovely. Thank you for sharing.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Women Who Have Gone Ba... · 2 replies · +21 points

EXACTLY. Like. . . is that really what my butt looks like during sex? Did not need to know!

8 years ago @ The Toast - Women Who Have Gone Ba... · 8 replies · +31 points

On a related note: In The Time Traveller's Wife, the guy jumps around in his own timeline constantly and at one point has a three way with his wife and another version of himself.

When I read that scene, I didn't know whether to cheer, laugh or shudder. Way to explore the boning possibilities of time travel, I guess?

8 years ago @ The Toast - The Writer as Robot: F... · 0 replies · +16 points

I identified with this so much. Thanks for sharing! As a teenager I wrote all these lovely, long fantasy epics that my friends loved. And I loved writing them! Then I went to college and felt like I had to write something "important". Six years later, and I'm not writing fiction anymore. I trace that back to the whole "fantasy epics are not *important*" idea. Maybe I will sit down at my computer tonight and see if any other epics are still churning around in my head. . .

Also, my heart actually squeezed in my chest when Maxine Kumin liked your poetry. How wonderful, to get positive (and, it sounds like, thoughtful) criticism from someone you admire!

8 years ago @ The Toast - Let's Talk About The B... · 0 replies · +6 points

I don't think my parents ever forbade me from reading something, but my grade school librarian refused to let me check out Jacob Have I Loved when I was in 6th or 7th grade. Still don't understand why. I also don't understand why she was a school librarian when she hated books and children. Mysteries. . .

Also, I went through a really big fantasy stage when I was a teenager. Dragonlance, Forbidden Realms, all your multipart epics with lots of swordfights and inaccurate, overblown sex scenes (case in point: in one book a male character tells a female character after he takes her virginity something like, "The first time is the best time. It's great other times you have sex, but your first time is the best." INCORRECT.) My friends used to steal my books and search through until they found the sex scenes, at which point they would read the scene out loud to anyone who was around, including teachers and parents. I get why they did it now, but at the time I was just like, "I am NEVER showing anyone what I read EVER!"

8 years ago @ The Toast - Disability Representat... · 0 replies · +3 points

Thank you. :) If I saw someone who seemed to be struggling with a door, I would have never thought that they might be using the door to balance themselves. I will keep that in mind in the future! And, of course, I will remember to ask before doing anything (if possible) and take the person's answer as the truth!

8 years ago @ The Toast - Disability Representat... · 0 replies · +9 points

I would actually have no problem with a man expressing an interest in how he can more respectfully interact with women at a panel about catcalling. Positive change starts with respectful conversation. What my question was really about is seeing beyond my privilege as an able bodied person and getting more information about how I can more respectfully interact with people who are disabled.

And of course this topic is googlable. Everything is googlable. Hell, I'm sure Buzzfeed has a listicle on the topic. But in the past I have really enjoyed reading the conversations that take place on The Toast. So I posed my question about perceptions of disability here: a comment thread about perceptions of disability.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Disability Representat... · 0 replies · +2 points

Thank you, smiavs. That is why I added the edit (before anyone else commented on my post) about how I am only asking because she wrote a piece about living with a disability. I certainly wouldn't wander over to another piece written by Keah and comment, "Great piece about puppies! Now let me ask you about your disability."

I know that I live with privilege. I am an able bodied, white, straight, cisgender, American. That is the lens through which I see the world, and the only way to become a more understanding person is by asking questions in the right context. This seemed to me to be the right context.

I thought your comparison to being gay and dealing with "straight but not narrow" people was really interesting! There is a time and place for questions, and there is a time to just be supportive. What sucks is that it seems to fall on you (as a lesbian) to be patient and explain things to people who may not understand why what they say/do is offensive.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Disability Representat... · 3 replies · +8 points

I get why my question might seem stupid. I mean, obviously the easiest thing to do 99% of the time is to just ask, "Can I help you with that?" But as you can see in the other comments in this thread (started by my original post) it can get more complicated than that. At least one other person on this thread interprets even the act of asking as "LOOK AT ME HELPING AREN'T I A GREAT PERSON".

So, I still wonder: as someone who is not disabled, are there ways that I act that a disabled person might find offensive? For example, a few years ago I worked with a man who grew up with a stutter. He has it mostly under control now, but it took him many years to get to that point. One day we were talking about something or another, and he mentioned that he hated it when people would try to "help" him by jumping in and saying the word that he was having difficulty with. Now, I can't remember if I have ever done that to a person. However, as a person without a stutter, I would have never thought of that as hurtful. I would have thought, "hey, let me help this person out and just say the word so we can move on with that conversation." I certainly would not do that now.

And yes, I get that everyone is different and that listening is the important thing. That's what I am trying to do now: listen.

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