I nearly choked on my apple from laughter.

I've always wanted to sit in a library by a fireplace, sipping a fine whisky while wearing an elegant red velvet coat and striped pants. I'd read some Virginia Woolf, quietly, serenely. At some point I'd place the book down and gaze meaningfully at nothing, taking a long sip of my oaky whisky. Then, without warning, smash my glass of whisky into the fireplace and shout "DAMN YOU VIRGINIAAAAAA!"