This is better. This is you relying on your gut. The gut ain't always right, but the gut learns from past experience, and it gets smarter as life goes on.
Good on ya, sister.
Honestly, I'd say you're dealing less with the concept of being a married mother than you are being a remarried mother. The stakes are so much higher the second time around. You've got the fear of committing and finding out after the fact that it's all wrong, or it's gone sideways or he becomes someone else. You have these fears because you've experienced it. You can understand that love is risky in an intellectual way, but this? This is visceral. The fear, the love, the wanting, the denial of want - all of it is based on your prior experience of going from family of three to family of two, with you at it's head. It's a nightmarish struggle to get used to being the head of the household, and once you've succeeded, you're reluctant to get into anything that means you may have to learn it again.
But love is, like anything, a leap of faith. You are either in it with both feet and your whole heart, or you're not. There is no straddling both worlds, and trying will only hurt everyone involved. Leaps of faith are about doing things or believing in things that are against reason, against rational logic and against what you've learned in the past about pain and risk. That's why it's a leap, and that's really what faith is. Do, or do not - there is no try. (Thank thee, yoda)
Forever is a notion we should never consider. Human brains aren't meant to understand it, because we try to quantify it - and quantifying forever is a good way to make things seem either boring or scary or scarily boring It's the emotional/mental equivalent to standing at the edge of the precipice and staring down into it to imagine what it'd feel like to jump. Nobody and nothing lasts forever, and not too many people are going to jump from the precipice.
You have my wishes. Most definitely.
Isn't it awful how your ex can make something seem dirty that really isn't? Don't forget, he has NO RIGHT to say anything to you about how you run your household or who you introduce to your lad. It's about him emphasizing what you might already feel guilty about - and sister? This is single mama life you're living. Men will happen.
I sensed that your blog was taking off in that direction - I wish you everything you need to keep this going and make your living from it.
Sistah, you're just cruel.
;-}
I don't want to enter the contest, since others would have more use out of the giveaway than I, but I'll say what I like is a big ol' dog. Fiercely loyal, committed to his pack, protective of his home and loving until the ends of the earth.
Dog in the bedroom also equals Good. ;-}
Rosebud's dad was the editor of the school paper when I was a newb to the college. He made a presentation in our class and I was lost.
But now I'm found. ;-}
I was hiding for a long time, too. I've only recently started copping to where I live.
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Brainchild