I sort of miss the days when my brothers and I would sneak into the eldest sibling's room in the middle of the night for like two weeks and make my parents Christmas themed latch-hook rugs. We were so blissfully convinced that our stealth was effective and this was the best gift ever.

+1 for macaroni.

This is 100% my life right now. Although I suspect that my problem is less "last person on my list is a dude" and more "last person on my list is a dude I don't know well and who already has lots nicer things than I could ever buy."

I have gotten him a bottle of the local gin he likes, but since he gives me really good Scotch most years, that seems like a paltry offering. A+ twinning. At least my old man gave me a list of things in my price range this time. Dad also had to tip me to the gin...

There are things in each of these that I needed to read today. Thank you!
/weeps into tea

When in high school before the first class started, I once said something along the lines of "Do you think I don't have anything better to do in class than listen to Mr. X?" He had walked into the room behind me as I was saying it...

I still feel terrible.

+1

I actually did scroll through the comments, and he stuck around and listened, and replied with more openness and self-awareness than I expected based on the letter, including serious critiques about the sexism all over his prose.

I'm in camp Future Self Will Cringe.

I willfully persist in the dream that somehow the opening of a new frontier will make humans Better, perhaps with the magic of wonder and perspective. Or the Vulcans will show up and judge us into sanity.

So I'll just be here in the corner drinking my Kool-aid and with my fingers in my ears, okay? I increasingly need a space in which I can believe humanity is not unrelentingly terrible. Let's not go recklessly filling it with pesky facts. La la la...

They are indeed, although I'm unsure how large I am willing to go, which I guess limits the options some. But I do love them--they remind me of my father among other things.

That poster is delightful and I am sure the resulting tattoo is excellent. I have obtained recs for a couple local artists for consult.

You grandma's friend sounds like a great lady!

I'm rereading early sci-fi and blowing time looking for tattoo ideas, even though 31 feels like a weird age to get a first tattoo. Mostly this has resulted in renewing my love of early pulp magazines...

all my empathy and best wishes. I'm a candidate in the humanities in the midwest, so grain of salt.

1) I am not remotely introspective (I hate it and am never rid of the fear that I will uncover something that is somehow unfixable and unlovable while digging around). That said, I've found a therapist by asking peers for recs (always kind of dicey on several levels) who mostly counsels grad students and focuses on that kind of exploration, and that is going well. That saves me have to explain all the benchmarks and work related stress, which is great. I sometimes wish for someone closer to a CBT since I am also trying to change bad habits and develop more positive coping ones. I started at the uni's counseling service but definitely had to go outside their system for someone who could help me long term--our counseling center is way to small relative to the student body. I would say that if you really feel the need for therapy starting soon, it might be worth trying one in person visit to see how it goes, presuming you can afford it.

2). ?? I still don't know the best way to answer to this question for yourself. It took me being in and out of academia in multiple towns to decide that my depression and anxiety aren't just a by-product of the grad school life, and that I really do need medication to stay stable and happy.

3) in my experience totally depends on the advisor and the department. I finally landed a situation where people are pretty supportive (if not super open). FWIW, I have initiated a number of conversations with peers and I actually know very few people who are not in treatment of some kind, or considering it. I still never have a very good idea of when I need to/can divulge it and when not. Possibly worth seeing what resources your institution has for disability for general support and to help you decide when/how to report it. (I have not done so, but keep it as a back pocket option).