YAY, EMILY! That's exactly what I'm talking about. The very fact that you're writing in a journal some days where you haven't been "brave enough" to do so in the past... That IS a very LARGE and WONDERFUL VICTORY! I'm SO HAPPY to hear it!

I did poke ahead in the book this morning as I was writing up this week's post. I just wanted to double check to make sure we have a total of 12 weeks doing this, and one of the things that caught my eye was that one of the tasks for week #12 is "reread this book".

As I mentioned when we started this, this is my third or fourth attempt to make it all the way to week 12. And, even as a "facilitator", you saw that there were a couple of weeks when I, too, didn't give it the time it deserves. I'm beginning to think this is a common reaction. It's the very fact that we regroup and pick up where we left off that really says something about this, our creative recovery. It's when we don't that I think we do ourselves something of a disservice.

Too, though, as I go through the first several weeks again, I'm taking more from it than I have in past attempts. I think that's why rereading the book is mentioned because one does take a little bit more from it each time.

I do hope things go well for you with your family, and, again, I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of a family member.

BIG hugs to you!

I know what you mean, Emily. I've also been one of those sorts of people too. What others think of me has always been a BIG one for me. Though, honestly? I don't know where I picked that one up. My mom always encouraged me to be me, and she was always herself - take her or leave her.

But, yes, that's something that I've been working on myself, as you can see. How do you do such a big thing? I just keep remembering what Violette said... "How do you eat an elephant?" "One bite at a time." Each step one takes toward that end is a step in the "right" direction. Just one little change at a time. When that "takes"... move onto the next. Every thing done with that end in mind is a victory in and of itself.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Emily. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I am the opposite, even now. Hardly ever alone, but I SO understand what you're talking about. It's hard to give myself that permission too. There are so many other things that I "should" be doing.

Even this morning... The one thing that I REALLY want to do today is continue work on the world for the series of novels I'm working on...

Yesterday, I spent the day "building" a castle on paper. It was work, but I had SO much fun with it. I finished it and then started work on the village just outside the castle walls. By the time I got to that point, I was so tired, but didn't want to go to bed. I just wanted to keep working on it, but the responsible adult within me told me that 5:30 comes early and that I had to go. If I hadn't been tired, I could have happily worked on it more.

Today, though. I have things that I NEED to get done, and even something else that I'm pretty excited about doing as well. Still... my inner artist is begging me to put it all aside and play with our world. I just may, though, spend a couple of hours on the project that is on my agenda today before doing work on the world...

I know that I haven't shared too much about my own process. I've been doing good to get these posts up. Things will, however, change after a couple of weeks from now. The kids will be going back to school then. ALL of them, and ALL day! Whoo hoo! Dh says that I'll get bored after the first week... Nope! As I told him, I have LOTS of projects I want to work on, which is really difficult when I'm having to get up every 10-15 minutes to make sure the little one is where she's supposed to be and not wandering off to parts unknown to Mom.

1. How many days did you do your morning pages? Are you starting to like them – at all? How was the experience for you? Have you discovered the page-and-a-half truth point yet? Many of us find that pay dirt in our writing occurs after a page and a half of vamping.

I've done it 6 days this week. Yes, when I do them, I'm starting to like them because I am beginning to discover the half truth point. I just vent for things a bit and then my thoughts and writing begin to go in a direction that needs more exploration. I've come to a lot of conclusions this week, came up with quite a few ideas and directional details for my writing.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? Have you had the experience of hearing answers during this leisure time? What did you do for your date? How did it feel? Have you taken an artist date yet that really felt adventurous?

Yes, I did, and it was GREAT. One of the things that I realized in my morning pages is that I'm not accustomed to doing things by myself. I never have been. It's as though I'm almost afraid to spend time by myself, which is why, I suppose, I've been putting off the Artist Dates. This week, though... Rather than just going out and not doing a whole lot of anything, I went to a movie - for the first time I can consciously remember. I decided on which one ALL BY MYSELF. I didn't have to take anyone else into consideration, except maybe when the elder kids would be home to watch the little one while I went out. But, I went to see The Help. I LOVED it! And it gave me some theme ideas for my current WIP. Beyond that... I walked around the mall. Did I mention... BY MYSELF! And I went to Borders and cruised through there, going shelf by shelf, taking my time, not rushed in the very least. I spent 5 HOURS all by myself! It was WILD and GREAT and then I came home... lol

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it? Try inaugurating a conversation on synchronicity with your friends.

Yes, actually I did. Nothing major, but great - to me - none the less. So, one of the things that I addressed in my morning pages is how I put things off... Things that I would really LOVE to do so that I can appear "normal" and, therefore, be deemed "acceptable" by others.

I have, for as long as I can remember, had an interest in life in the Middle Ages. Back in my early twenties, I explored the possibility of becoming involved with the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms). Basically (for those unfamiliar with them) they reconstruct periods prior to 17th century. I went to one meeting, went home and shared my experience with my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time). I got the feeling that I was being "nerdy", and never pursued it beyond that. That was almost 20 years ago... This week, I got in touch with the contact person of our local group, and I'm supposed to be going to their admin meeting this afternoon. In fact, I have to leave in half an hour.

One of the things that I've been wanting to learn is swordsmanship. They do have a heavy weapons program locally, but I'm not sure I want to get as far in as the mele aspect or not. It just so happens that the practice that I am planning to go to on Wednesday... they're having a light weapons demo this week, which is something that I might be interested in pursuing. And, they're looking for someone to head bringing the program to the group. So... We shall see...

4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.

I think the biggest thing I'm working on is being okay being with me and being me. All of me. Not what I think others will think is acceptable. I must admit that I'm fighting insecurities with this pursuit of involvement with the SCA. I'm starting to connect with others on Facebook, and am sensitive... vulnerable... as to what other friends can see. I'm insecure looking for signs of ridicule. I even told my husband, if I start feeling really insecure in my nerdiness, I can use "research for my current series" as an excuse. But, should I have to? No. It's all a process. I might be courageous pursuing it now, but the security in it is going to take some time...

To let you ladies know, too, we'll be having someone new joining us. Kellie. I received an email from her this morning, asking if it was too late to join. Given that I've gotten so far behind, I didn't think it would be a problem. :-)

Hope you ladies have a GREAT Monday! <3

Hello, Emily! I'm sorry to have taken so long to reply... I, too, have been out of the loop, as I believe Tasha has been as well. I'll be working to play catch up this week and will be making back dated posts for weeks 3 & 4. I'll be reading week 5 this morning and will make a post for that by the end of the day.

It sounds as though you had a wonderful holiday. I'm so glad to hear it!

Change can be very unsettling by its very nature. Please feel free to vent, share, or what-ever you feel you need to do for you. I am here, just working on some balance issues of my own on this end. I'm being very productive - at least in planning - which is good and necessary given the nature of it... I'm working on lining out a world which I plan to do a great deal of writing in. In fact, the stories may include two worlds that I need to get straight in my head before I can actually write. I've been playing around with some characters, but the serious writing has been taken from the table until I get a better idea of the world most of my people populate.

Anywhoo... I will be back on track (no later than) by the middle of this week. My apologies for having dropped the ball...

BIG Hugs,
Dawna

Oh, I can really relate to being the 'fixer', 'listener', and 'problem solver'. I've felt like that since I was a little kid in many ways. When we finally stop and learn to focus on ourselves... it can be SO foreign, can't it? We're taught that such things are 'selfish'. Which, if you think about it, is SO sad. My mom always told me that until I took care of myself, I can't really take care of anyone else, but it's taken me so long to learn the wisdom encompassed in her words. Good for you in taking care of and being kind to yourself today! Baby steps. ;-) Continue to eat that elephant... one bite at a time. :-D

I'm sorry to hear that you're under the weather. That does happen, sometimes, when we run ourselves to the brink. I hope you're feeling better again soon! I like that you're giving yourself the time that you feel you need. It sounds like it's a new habit for you... So, yay for you!

OH! Your artist date sounds fabulous! I know, I'm something of craft store junkie, myself. lol I love buying craft supplies. I still have some things in a bag that I haven't put to use yet. Think I might do that this weekend. ;-)

You'll definitely have to take some pics of the crafty goodness you create with all of it! We'd love to see it!

I will pop up to reply to the other comments, but wanted to reply to this one first. You are more than welcome to write as little or as much as you are inspired to. Please do not allow Intense Debate to feed your inner critic. It is concerned with preventing spam and doesn't know you between someone else, but we do. Once we move over to the Village in the fall, it won't be such an issue. Until then, please just bear with it and know that we're happy to have you share as little or as much as you are comfortable in doing.

My highlights...

'... at first flush, going sane feels just like going crazy.' I do feel like I'm going nutty at times, and quite often it is at the hands of my children...

'As we gain strength, so will some of the attacks of self-doubt.' Yes, it feels as though my self-doubt has chosen new topics to plague me with.

'Do not let your self-doubt turn into self-sabotage.' I've done pretty good at not letting this occur, but this is a good reminder to me to continue to prevent it from happening.

'Repeat: the Great Creator has gifted us with creativity. Our gift back is our use of it.' Just a good reminder, I thought.

'The process, not the product...' Another good reminder for me.

'The next time you catch yourself saying or thinking, "He/she is driving me crazy!" ask yourself what creative work you are trying to block by your involvement.' See my first point... My kids. I love 'em, but I often allow them to drive me to the brink of insanity. At times like that, I find my creativity blocked. Not just rational thought. lol Those are the times when I find myself playing games that don't take a lot of thought to play since writing tends to be beyond my ability. I do sometimes pull out my paints and just make a glorious mess upon the page.

'I can't believe I am really being led. That's just too weird..." Oh my gosh! Yes! I've said that at least once or twice as of late.

More good reminders:

... survival lies in sanity, and sanity lies in paying attention.'

'The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.'

'The reward for attention is always healing.'

'... the worst that can be said of a man is that "he did not pay attention".'