Oh man, yes exactly! I think this is a pretty common deflection move in grad school "Ahaha, yes, we're so screwed, everything is terrible, I have made some very poor life decisions," where you're acknowledging on some level that you feel really overwhelmed and don't have a lot of external validation, but at the same time...no one's life is improved by my teeth-gnashing and "Oh man, I'm a MESS" posture, least of all mine.
This spring, I realized that my joking about the academic job market being terrible had crossed the line, and I gave myself a July 1 deadline on saying "[Blah blah] if I ever get a job, at all." Because, realistically, I'm pretty capable, but it's also a lot of random luck, and something will work out eventually, or I'll adapt as necessary. Dropping the posturing makes it easier to tell a friend honestly when I'm freaked out, but also to keep moving forward.
There's not really an Angry Skyrbeast, but there is definitely a Rueful Self-Deprecating Humor Skyrbest who I realized...is not actually a great Skyrbeast model. It's so easy to slip from *joking about something* to *waaaaay too much bitter emotion and apparently I believe the self-deprecation, who knew?* Part of working towards being the best model of myself this summer has been cutting off negative self-talk, even in joke forms. I can make jokes about many things, but my self-worth or capabilities or professional achievements do not need to go on that bonfire.
Oomph, Manka. This is wonderful. I came over here just to see what cool thing you were working on, and then there were Feels and something that I hadn't even thought I was thinking about, but resonated so much to hear it from someone else.
My Toast resolution is to be louder and spikier, and to honor the message that I got from The Toast and all the wonderful people here that I am not Too Much in any way, shape, or form.
It is so good! Thank you for reminding me of it!
I was holding it together through all The Toast farewell posts, but then this. This. Thank you, Toast and thank you Madam Secretary.
This is delightful, and also, how have I gone this long without knowing about Tacocat? Now I know how I'm going to get in the mood for visiting my parents in Seattle in a week: "Oooh beautiful Seattle/fall in to the sea/earthquake/tsunami/there's still no place I'd rather be."
At the last wedding I went to, there were so many of those 'Daddy/Daughter' moments that made me feel like there was a giant blinking sign reading "PATRIARCHY" overhead. It really motivated me to think through the list of traditions I would not be carrying on at a hypothetical wedding. (And my dad and I are close! But we can celebrate that by going on hikes together or drinking beer together, not by having him symbolically hand me over like property!)
If a person was interested in learning more about Quakerism, are there any books people would particularly recommend? (Beyond, naturally, The Witch of Blackbird Pond)
I've been hunting aggressively on eBay, but part of the challenge is knowing about what size you are in a given designer/brand. On the other foot, though, now I have an amazing dress for my friend's wedding at 25% of the original price.
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