God yes. "Don't be an asshole" is rock-solid advice for an attorney.

I'm an attorney! I'm having an awesome time practicing actually. I found what I like although the pay is not spectacular, I'm quite fulfilled. I struggled through law school and befriended all the self-identified weirdos and queers, who helped me survive. I assure you that you'll find your people and survive too, even when things seem hard and stupid.

Though I would give a whole lot of :) :) :) :) :) :) to someone who just busted out with a "holy shit you racist asshole!"

What you say resonates with me (you do have to guard your emotional well-being) but I don't agree that you speak up for "no good reason." It's a privilege to be able to call it a day and decide to be a "bad ally." That means that someone's talking hate at something that you don't have a direct stake in. I think it's exactly those times when we have to be most critical of our desires to distance ourselves or not make waves.

If this comes off as preachy, I apologize. This feels incredibly personal for me, since I've lived this many times and have been the direct object of the family (or family-in-law's) ignorance.

"it is possible to be a good ally AND a good family member"

THIS THIS THIS THIS

I created an account just to reply to this!

I am a first-generation bi-racial young woman. I grew up in a two-religion, three-language household, with no extended family because they all lived overseas. Intersectionality? I LIVE THAT SHIT.

I JUST married into a very white and in many cases, very conservative family. Many of them find me strange: my parents, my food, my cultures (gasp, you can have more than one!), my politics. As the newcomer, I feel thoroughly muzzled -- in any forum -- from speaking up when ignorant, racist, or otherwise hurtful things arise. If I do, I will lose credibility in that family and be vulnerable to being dismissed offhand as some pinko feminazi "illegals"-lover who "plays the race card." (It's like a game of bigot bingo up in this piece.)

This means that whenever someone speaks up who is, by blood, connected to that family (most often my SO), I am flooded with incredible gratitude. They may not know it, but they're using their privileged platform (as a blood relation) to stand up for me and others who can't speak so frankly.

So this is my personal plea to Toasties. If your family spews ignorance or hatred, SPEAK OUT. Don't let yourself be a fairweather ally! Not only will you be taking a stand for justice in the abstract, you will be taking a stand on behalf of people very near you -- you just may not even realize it! Maybe it's someone like me, maybe it's your closeted cousin, maybe it's someone who's just kind of embarrassed that they voted for Obama -- whoever it is, I guarantee you that your words are important and necessary within and without your family circle.