Oh, I don't have depression (...right now...), I have ADD, which fortunately is completely curable through the use of "an app". Any app will do. In fact any system of writing will do! You may, for example, use a list or a calendar. The humble list has cured ADD for ten thousand years, allowing users to quickly jot down the number of oxen arriving for the sacrifice instead of embarrassing themselves in their pre-game meeting with the High Priest of Ur.

No, for depression, you need something more substantial, obviously. You need to bring out the big guns... you need to take "a walk"

To be fair, I can really recommend Bubble Blast 2. This game never ends. I played 500 levels and then someone stole my phone. Will completely cure depression, anxiety and hyperactivity... for as long as you keep playing. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com...

My nemesis is "Have you tried using a calendar/ a list/ an app?"

Yes. I have.

They never even suggest an actual app. Just "an app".

Also, my teachers are psychologists! I'm really scared that they (and my fellow students) can diagnose me... That happened once, actually, so it's not an unfounded fear. My disability is super obvious and also pretty well known, because ADD is really common, I'm just "more" disabled than many other people with ADD. Or so I've been led to believe, at least. I'm really really not OK, even though I take my pills and use my calendars and apps and whatnot. And if you know anything about psychiatry and you're dealing with a person who can't show up on time and keeps screwing up details, you suspect ADD, and you'd be right.

Ugh, it feels like I don't have any walls or boundaries. It's like anyone can just take a look or walk around inside my head without my permission. I can't even be closeted, my weaknesses bleed through and embarrass me.

I think that mental illness in academia may be similar to mental illness in the healthcare field. It feels personal, because the job is so close to the disability. I was just as disabled when I worked blue collar jobs, but I feel more threatened now that I'm a student (in mental health care, no less). Before, I could keep my thoughts to myself while trying to do my job, but now I can't, because my teachers judge and grade my thoughts, and what if there's something "crazy" in there... That feels threatening, more threatening than before when my bosses judged my work. That's just me though.

Mental illness in academia... yep, that's me. I post in the open thread sometimes. I feel myself wanting to disclose all the time, but when I do disclose that I'm disabled (I don't name it) it's not great.

No, I haven't, maybe I should do something weird! I'm a very systematic person and I tend to solve everything by thinking hard at it, but maybe I should try the complete opposite. I haven't written anything that wasn't about facts or drawn a picture that wasn't still-life or landscape in AGES. Everything I read is textbooks, journalism and memoirs, no fiction at all in like a year. What happened to my imagination?? Thanks, Goomaly!

2 things.

1. It's easy to say "only you know what you need/want/should do", but that's actually only true for emotional insights, not practical problems. Yes, only I can know whether I truly want to become a [profession] or whether I feel ready to quit alcohol/start exercising/have children, but that does NOT mean that I can peer into my soul and uncover a logistical strategy for my brain fog that will actually work. I mean seriously this is like running a military campaign, I am not joking it's truly hard to plan a life when your resources are this unstable (the people who're like "have you tried using an 'app'?" wouldn't survive a DAY with my spreadsheets)

2. Last week, I had a run-in with a teacher - first time at this school, but not the first time, so to speak. I was late for an oral exam, but they allowed me to take the exam after everyone else was done. Great! But one of the teachers wasn't happy. He wanted me to be more grateful. He was angry that I just accepted the offer without... grovelling a little. I mean, I said thanks, I think, I just didn't, you know, beg. And some people want you to beg. But! I can't do it. I can.not. beg. No, I can, but I can't do it and also have self esteem, so I've been prioritising dignity. And after the last ten years, let me tell you, the moment when I keep my back straight and my chin up while saying "okay, great!" in a normal voice even though someone has just acknowledged that my disability exists feels GREAT - daring, risky, but also outright dangerous, and afterwards I know I'll feel worse than if I just made sure that I had their approval... but still, it makes my life a little better every time. I NEED to do this. I'm gonna turn on the melodrama a little, but seriously, I have to respect the person I was, because they made me everything I am. Past Self was so demeaned by society and fought so goddamn hard for my opportunities, it would be straight up disrespectful to surrender this hard-won dignity now.

Emotional labour, y'all.

Still disabled, still in university. I don't want hugs, but I do want to brainstorm. Maybe complain juuust a little. I wish there was a manual for being disabled, you know?

I dunno, aren't there a number of CEOs with ADD already? I feel like there's a stereotype of "fun ADD" out there that gets associated with rich people. Like, ADD means being so energetic and creative you can't stand a regular job, running off to invent something awesome or find yourself or whatever, and becoming successful enough that other people handle the boring logistical stuff for you. It's like there's "rich & fun ADD" which only has the good parts, and "poor & bad ADD" which only has the bad parts (acting out, school failure, trouble staying employed, lack of impulse control, getting into fights, being bad with money, substance abuse, mental illness, and generally just lots and lots of super negative stuff), but nothing in between?

I'm trying to crawl my way out of bad ADD but I'm not rich enough to have fun ADD. I think we need (I definitely do!) more portraits of ADDers in between, people who aren't CEO:s or famous but also aren't in prison or trapped in terrifying poverty. Just regular blue collar and white collar people, but with ADD. And other disabilities as well! I think these stereotypes of either being amazing or being a disaster extends to all mental disorders (and then there's inspirational vs sad for the more physical disabilities?).

Basically, I'd LOVE to hear about plumbers with autism, teachers in wheelchairs, office workers with visual disabilities, nurses with bipolar disorder - and you, when you find a job that fits you! I know Years of Hell and I'm sorry that happened to you. I've learned from Ask A Manager to say "I was dealing with a health issue which has since been resolved", is that something you could use? It's completely true, and no one can pressure you to reveal more about your health. If there's anything this disorder teaches its sufferers, it's how to bounce back from anything...