Washington, D. C. - Douchebag Central

You all missed my wonderful uposts.

I agree that they'll think I'm Satan. But I'd like to see those 14th century pansies try to burn me at the stake when I have a SWORD ARM. Seriously....

Have you seen Hanson lately? Totally hot. They would surely win when legions of their screaming fans come to their aid. On the other hand, The Hanson Brothers might have a tougher time of it; they would just chuck the knives at him and then whack him to death with hockey sticks.

I want to learn more about the history of tennis.

All four grand slams were held on grass courts. In 1912, the French switched to clay, in 1988 the Australian switched to hard courts, and in 1975 the US Open switched to clay before settling on hard courts in 1978. Before 1922, Wimbledon champions only had to come back and play the finals match in order to defend their title. So, William Renshaw's seven Wimbledon titles in the 1800s is less impressive than Sampras' seven 20th century wins. In 1968, the distinction between amateur and professional tennis was erased--that's the Open Era.

Wimbledon is the oldest tennis tournament in the world (started in 1877) and also has the highest prize money (approx. $1.5mil for the singles winners). The US Open was the first grand slam to offer equal prize money to men and women, thanks to Billie Jean King.

In the Open Era, Martina Navratilova won the most grand slam titles (59), while Todd Woodbridge is the top male player, with 23. Steffi Graf has the most singles grand slam titles in the Open Era (22), while Pete Sampras has of 14. (Federer is closing the gap at 12.)

Tennis was not an Olympic sport between 1928 and 1984, which is why so few tennis greats have the "Career Golden Slam," winning all four grand slams and Olympic gold. The only ones who have done so in singles: Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf. In doubles, Tood Woodbridge, Mark Woodforde, Daniel Nestor, Pam Shriver, Gigi Fernandez, and the Williams sisters. Remarkably, only Steffi can claim the true slam: she won the Olympic gold and all four majors in a single calendar year: 1988.

People always assume that I can't reach things on high shelves. Okay, so they're often right. But not always!!

I can't improve upon the captions already posted, but I must voice my support for the best caption yet, which is the title of this ipost. Lady Bracknell would not approve.

My horse would be called Houyhnhnm. I'd like to see the announcers handle that one.

That probably depends. Where do the streets have no name?

I forget to eat all the time. Bad habit. I don't recommend it.