well, mitt made the required overtures. break out the voter suppression tactics, boys! can't have them off-color types bustin' up the white way of things with this democracy garbage!
it's like the name of the rose all over again!
also could we please have our habeas corpus back? and bury the patriot act at sea, too? am i being too greedy on today, this christmas-cum-guy fawkes day of revels as we celebrate the departure of TERROR from our lives?
today is a sad, hollow day as PROUD MURRIKA lost its most easily-recognizable bugbear. :-( no longer will the toby keith set be able to rally round the image of that turbany, beardy old monster OSAAAHMA BIN LAAAAAD-DIN, point their fat, chicken-greased fingers and go "oooo! that's what BAD PEOPLE LOOK LIKE! ooooooooo!"
"man, what's with all the cows around the office these days? how'za feller supposed to ogle and sexual harrass the wimminfolk if none of 'em make me tight in the jorts? worl, fuckit boys, let's all go order a bloomin' onion at outback to commiserate -- i'll even spot for an extra trough of ranch dressin'!"
a-fudruckin'-men. when a kid WANTS something, he or she will get it, be it through whining, wheedling, chore-whoring, treachery, slavery, or even outright theft, because KIDS ARE SOCIOPATHS until the cruel onset of adulthood forces them to give a shit against their will. also, this is why republicans are perma-juvies.
why, it is quite okay to be fat, because, as all good conservatards know, being fat is someone else's problem, and it is hateful and disrespectful and possibly even SOCIAL JUSTICE to care in the slightest. in these lard-choked states of high-fructose america, guilt and shame are social controls used by one's mother to deny you all joy, and the only reasonable response is to screech back in your mother's face abut how she never loved you and why can't she just accept that you have your own life and god i hate you so much MOM WHY DID DADDY LEAVE
also ain't no barry soetoro revenuer come ta take mah hard-earned money if i taint got no jerb! haw! take that, socialists! i kin buy my hfcs from th' messicans by tradin' my wife to 'em, fair n square, like the founding fathers used to do with their properties an suchlike.
gubmint jerbs aren't REAL jerbs; they're socialmalist handouts using federal reserve printed monopoly monies! firing those marxist slackthings down at the dmv means MURRICA GETS MORE FREEDOMS TO SPEND ON JESUS.
well, i'll say this: the self-important and self-serving revivalism around an archaic and nebulous document isn't exactly without precedent in the crazier parts of the country -- and by crazier i pretty much mean everything in the collective muffintop below the mason-dixon line. if only the constitution made jesus the superking of proud murrica, declared all unborn babies to be beautiful angel souls, and qualified the gays as freedom-sodomizing nightmare abominations, they might be able to bring some snakes an' shakes into these pre-session proceedings!
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Brainchild