"just open up the lines of communication, let them say some hard stuff to you if they need to, and know that they love you."

I am in floods reading all of this. My mother attempted suicide three years ago, which is exactly when I found out she had chronic depression, when I was 23. It is hard to describe the combination of rage, hurt, love and overwhelming protectiveness that I still feel towards her. It is hard to be needed by your mama, knowing she isn't invincible, and seeing patterns in my behaviour that mimic hers.

But since this happened, everybody has started talking. I talk to my therapist, I talk to my mum and dad, she talks to her therapist, she talks to us kids. I can tell her how scary it is knowing she can't cope sometimes, and I share the ways that I cope. I feel like a surrogate parent to her, my dad, and my younger brother sometimes, which isn't the healthiest, but god damn it's better than the silence we had before.

Thank you, Roxane. I've been looking everywhere for some form to put my grief and outrage into, but nobody in the internet seems to be shocked anymore by this particular kind of tragedy. Thank you, once again, for saying this better than I ever could and giving me a shape to hang my rage on.

Hugs all round