My tote can come to me as slowly and cheaply as you like - I am content to know it exists in the world, aware that it is mine, and intending to make its way to me.

I dropped another $25 in the bursary hoping I'd be donation #69. I may be a humorless, pedantic feminist, but I know a #lifegoals when I see one!!

This also demonstrates how well the mod hammer was used here at The Toast Dot Net. You KNOW those men tried to bring their opinions here, but we only ever saw the most laughable ones. And those we saw because we begged to see them!

Yeah, we just went to a shower for a friend who is very Hey Ladies to begin with, and it was exactly...that. ALL that. So I think my wife's discomfort has a recent enough reinforcement that anything like a traditional shower is off the table.

However, I'm definitely thinking now that some kind of non-shower party, no gifts and no group games, might fly. I know my wife would go for it - if I let my mom decorate, and maybe take her out for a special baby-related event beforehand, might be good. I don't want to reject her excitement, you know? Just channel it.

I'll work on getting my mom to ask my wife's permission, too. She tends to ask AS she's already doing the thing she wants to do. If I positively reinforce the behavior I want to see - hey that's good practice for parenting, right?

We've shown her the ultrasound photos as soon as we get them, yeah - she loves that. But a special, baby-centric dinner is a good idea. It makes me think about shopping, actually - maybe we can take my mom with us to shop for a crib or some other super exciting thing, then dinner after. I'll bring that up - thanks!!

Oh gosssh, having to tell people months later about the miscarriage sounds so hard. I'm sorry you experienced that, and I'm glad your dad was a little more low-key after that. It's lovely that they're excited and want to tell their people! But early pregnancy is a tough time that way.

I think some kind of party which is not a baby shower is probably the way to go, yeah. A way for my mom to express her excitement without our having to participate so directly sounds great! Thanks for the idea!

I did not want kids and would not have made them with my own body.

Then, six years ago, I met and fell in love with the woman who turned out to be like. The most steady and trustworthy person in the world, maybe? And it was like a flip switched and I said, yep, I was just kidding myself earlier, I totally want a kid. I just didn't want one out of my own body -that has not changed!! -or with anyone other than my wife.

Years of therapy later, we're having a kid.

So basically, I am REALLY SORRY to be an anecdotal case which supports that old "when you meet the right person" thing. I do NOT believe that is true for nearly as many people as hear it in their lives. I think a person who does not want kids does not want kids, and that is reasonable and understandable and I support it completely.

But I met the right person and realized I had always just been scared, not ambivalent. *hands*

I've had several friends realize in their mid-30s that if they wanted kids, they'd have to go it alone for at least a while. That helped sort out a lot of cultural expectations from actual desires. Would you do it alone (whether you're partnered or not right now)? What does that mean to you? What do you imagine happening in 5, 10 years? If the answers to those questions push you in one direction or another, listen to yourself. You know best, no matter what.

Toasties, I seek advice about managing my mother's expectations. My wife is pregnant, and my mom is over the moon (her reaction to my marrying a lady: "Two uteruses means I'm twice as likely to have a grandbaby!!")

However, my mom also expects things I didn't imagine. For example, she expected to go to an ultrasound with us. I wouldn't mind but my wife does, so I gently told my mother no. She expects us to have a baby shower, but my wife hates baby showers, so I've told my mother that's extremely unlikely to happen. She was more understanding of the ultrasound-no than the shower-no. :/ I've also had to tell my mom not to touch my wife's belly, or tell Facebook before we make it public, sigh. The list goes on, but I'm starting to dread whatever lurks in the foggy future.

Basically, my wife is a private person and my mom, although sweet and kind, hates boundaries. The mom-boards probably have a lot of people who could advise me on boundary setting during pregnancy, but frankly I feel allergic to those boards and would rather ask you all. What tricky mom situations did you all navigate during pregnancy, either your own or a partner's?

Also, do you have recs for ways to involve my mom, while emphasizing my support for my wife? That's my strongest preference - I don't care about showers or Facebook as much as I do about my wife's bodily autonomy and emotional comfort, you know?

Actually that feeling is probably not an election-year feeling, but just like, a normal human feeling. Puppy floof!! <3

/deep thoughts of the day

This election makes me grateful that there are gorgeously fluffy dogs in the world, who grin and grin, and don't care about politics.

What I'm saying is, I want to bury my face in Sansa's chest floof and not come out until I'm ready.

Orson periodically gets pellet-gunned/etc, and deflates a bit. No joke, I've been known to get teary about it.

Polar forever, man.