:)

.... So, when you lie awake in you bed at night wondering if you will go to Heaven or Hell when you die, remember this: Life ain’t so bad HERE while you’re here if you let it be. Sure, bad stuff happens to good people and all; but the sun still shines, birds still sing, healthy babies are born every day, and Ben and Jerry’s comes in 61 flavors and counting! After all, if by some stretch of the imagination I am right and this is all you got, you will have wasted it all for the chance at something better that was never really there in the first place. Besides, life is short and you gotta’ lot of ice cream to try!

.... Listen, I can’t prove the God-nonsense anymore than the average Christian can prove his claim that God is real, so I guess it’s all a moot point in the day’s end when it’s all done anyway. After all, whether you buy a ticket for the magical Mormon underpants tour, believe in talking bushes that espouse the word of God, think there are entire worlds chock full of virgins waiting for you when you die, or know that Tom Cruise really IS from another planet—there are only two different people in the world, really. The sane, and the bat-sh!t crazy!

Christianity is the belief that a cosmic Zombie Jewish carpenter who was somehow conceived without a father, but who is in some way his own celestial father born in flesh and blood to a VIRGIN; who can also make you live forever only if you symbolically eat his skin and telepathically tell him every night before bedtime that you accept his claim as the Lord and master over everything that exists, so he can mystically remove the invisible evil force living inside of you like an undetectable tumor all because a woman wearing a fig leaf made from some man’s rib bone was convinced by a talking snake to eat a magical fruit from a forbidden tree in a beautiful garden somewhere in the Middle Eastern desert…. Do I have that straight? Makes sense to me too!