I'm glad! I'm feeling much better too, my experience is not unusual and that's reassuring.

I just keep thinking of Kang and Kodos in the Simpsons.
"It doesn't matter which one of us you vote for, either way your planet is doomed! DOOOOOOMED!"

Handel = big hair, no heart

Orpheus, the Original Thrower of Man- Tantrums over the Basic Facts of Life.

Awww Daphnis and Chloe! I remember being so touched by that description of them wanting to have sex but not being able to figure out how. It's so charming and touching and human.

I'm very reassured by everyone's feedback! I think there's two issues that are actually separate from frequency 1. I've had the experience heather parito describes of a pushy ex who made me feel bad for not being a sex robot, (and who Mr Twiss is nothing like) and 2. Mr Twiss is so gentlemanly he refrains from initiating unless I do first, which is good, but the unintended consequence is I've ended up being the Scheduler of Sex which is a bit stressful for me cos I feel responsible for our whole sex life. I've told him more than once that it's totally fine for him to initiate, and I know he would like to, but he still can't quite bring himself to - he doesn't want to be pushy. I think I might to talk specifically about this aspect of the issue. We're both in our heads a lot (can you tell?!) And often find it hard to be physically spontaneous. But we love each other a lot and our sex is wonderful, so I think everything will be fine!

Well, it's the last 6 weeks of OT, we're getting into the #realtalk, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about S E X.

Specifically, the frequency of same in a relationship. Partner and I (f/m cis het) are averaging about twice a month and I'm ok with this and he is too but I can't shake the feeling that Something's Wrong. It's not for lack of libido, it's more that for my physical & mental health I schedule my life around a lot of sleep and alone downtime, and it just happens that the time isn't there. We've talked about it & he assures me he's not frustrated and it's all fine, but I still feel guilty for not scheduling it correctly or something. I dunno, I feel like I would like it to be more often but the practicalities don't really work out and I don't mind the infrequency so maybe there isn't a problem here???

Happy Friday Toast! I wrote in a few weeks about asking for advice on how to broach the topic of future possible polyamory/flexible monogamy with my partner in advance of us getting engaged. You all gave wonderful advice for that and for my related issue of wanting to ask him to get a vasectomy. Well, I am a procrastinating procrastinator, so I only broached the ‘lesser’ of the two issues - the vasectomy - the other night. I was expecting that to be NBD, or for any negative reaction to be related to a specific issue with surgery and general, but he actually was pretty thrown by the idea. He wasn’t a dick about it of course (he is congenitally incapable of being a dick about anything, one of the reasons I want to marry him) but he said he really wasn’t sure if he could do it. I asked if that meant he actually *does* want to have kids, because if so,we’d need to Have a Talk (I don’t want kids). But he says it’s not that, it’s just a kind of instinctive negative response. He’s doing some research and promises to really think about it. He said ‘I’m disappointed in myself that my initial reaction is so conservative’ and definitely wants to examine his own assumptions.

Obviously I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to have a vasectomy - bodily autonomy! But I am concerned that he may not be on the same page as me in terms of ‘unconventional’ thinking. I wonder if he’s ok with the idea of polyamory in the abstract, but wouldn’t be able to deal with it in reality. I know the answer is just TALK TO HIM and I will, but I feel the need to run it by you wonderful people first!

(Responses may be delayed, but I’ll be keeping an eye on the thread and will respond to any Qs later!)

For reference: the original thread is here: http://the-toast.net/2016/02/26/cocktail-hour-ope...
About 13/14 comments down.

Thats reassuring to hear that the vasectomy was nothing like major surgery. There might be a bit of a wait to actually see the urologist, so like the other thing, best to broach it sooner rather than later.

That doesnt sound bad at all! I think we would probably have to shell out for it, but insurance might cover some of the cost.