So, you mentioned Zimmern and I'm not going to let this chance to talk about what he sounds like pass me by...so he sounds JUST LIKE Ed Helms to me...anyone else get that? And it's SO DISTRACTING because I listen to him, and the cadence and it just seems like he's about to start telling a joke, but he never does! Joking not really his thing!

That Eyewitness Problem piece was “the world is fucked up” piece that I needed to read today! The world is fucked up, mistakes are made, people die unjustly, awful things happen but: people are kind to each other! People regret and make human mistakes and do what they can to fix a horrible situation! CHANGE OCCURS! And tears filled my eyeballs like, several times, including sentences which involved RICK PERRY, which has never before happened.

I CANNOT handle the Winnie the Pooh one. It has lingered with me, hauntingly. Just…fucking nightmarish. I mean they are all AWFUL but… I don’t think it is my fondness for Winne the Pooh, although I AM fond (I liked the page on facebook so it would periodically pop up with “cute Winnie the Pooh phrases!” or somesuch and I would shiver with dread) but the vivid imagery of the physical injury was viscerally horrifying for me - and maybe the moral injury of making him do that to Eeyore paired with the extremely convincing mental confusion caused by the abuse.

Okay, I am deeply addicted to this show, thanks to all of you beautiful monsters, but I’m in the middle of it so I will refrain from reading this. I can’t handle spoilers, okay?

I will say this: I find Jane so hypnotically beautiful, that whenever she is talking to pretty much literally anyone, all I want is for her to just lean forward and kiss them. So you could put Jane together with ANYONE and I’d nod vigorously.

I KNOOOW, I was just coming down here to protest that "His "English" accent failed to appeal to producer Albert R. Broccoli." didn't make it, but knowing that it was Dick Van Dyke is like, the joke, and as that was not the format, I guess I get it.

Oh man, I think REGULARLY about this article the toast linked to like a year ago: http://www.uic.edu/orgs/cwluherstory/CWLUArchive/...
And that (“But you like doing it!”) completely one of the arguments men’ll come up with, when cornered into doing their fair share.

And yes, I agree!! Even if we give this guy the benefit of the doubt, it’s clear that he is trying to pick apart which ones "count" and then anything she enjoys goes in the "you do it because you don't mind so much" pile and THEN you split the rest of the chores equally. Now that you mention it, I think that’s the bit Mallory could’ve hit on - like, dude, work is work even if you don't value it, and maybe you should take a second to try and understand why it has value, and also, when you have this conversation, please try not to be an entitled, self-serving juicebox. You know, just try and talk him down a BIT so that when he bounces into the herb garden and says, “Honey, baby, the internet says things that you enjoy doing are worthless and it’s completely unfair for me so if you’d start doing the shoveling from now on, that’s be great, thanks.” and she’s so stunned, just like “Oh fucking no he didn’t” he won’t be surprised, like, “What? But the internet supported me with my extremely skewed version of events??”

Yes, frankly VERY SKEPTICAL that this robot-man (beep-boop what purpose do christmas cards or herbs or friends serve?) is a fair and reasonable arbiter of which chores matter. Partially because the ones he mentioned - snow and tax - are not the chores that *matter*, in terms of maintaining a fair, reasonable balance of household chores, they are not the constant, wearing efforts that break down your soul and leave you a comically embittered, angry shell of a person who is completely unable to have perspective, the ones that make you think about changing your name and disappearing forever, or wonder if it's possible to unleash a parasite into your mate's brain that will make them spontaneously remember that they should do these things without you having to tell them every.godddamn.time.

Which is to say, I don't disagree with Mallory's advice - he did not give enough information (SUSPICIOUSLY, I think) to truly tell who is not doing their fair share - but she should answer the person who asked the question, and in case, if he truly feels it is unfair (which I doubt he should because men haven't experienced truly unfair in one hundred thousand years) the correct advice is, as in many cases, to just have a stupid conversation with the person who spend ALL OF YOUR TIME WITH, how is this hard?? UNGH I just feel bad about what an insulting, infuriating conversation it's setting her up for, especially if, as i suspect - from how he phrased it (i.e., she does social media while I do taxes and snow removal) - that they split up who does what chores, and she ended up with "dishes" "laundry" and "cleaning", which I think everyone will agree with me are the big three of invisible, relentless, cripplingly time-consuming household labor.

Anyways, I really hate household chores.

I like thinking about Mallory just at her desk, debating about whether this celebrity is the type to murder the last one or try to get out of it.

I do have some questions: Why would they send Chris to convince David? Since he was the previous Man, I mean…at least make him have to hunt for his prey. If they, as a group were truly committed (and OH MAN it sounds like THEY WERE) to avoiding the senseless death, wouldn’t it make sense to send someone who at least it wouldn’t directly benefit David to kill (assuming that there is some benefit to acquiring the mantel of Sexiest Man Alive). Unless killing ANY previous SMA would be good enough – but all of them, except for Chris, I guess, have served their year and thus, at least in theory, murdered the one before, so I don’t know if it would count, since they are all “officially”, if perhaps not completely, dead. Or maybe Chris is the only one with enough to lose to be willing to do it; the others have all escaped their fate and aren’t willing to risk anything when it’s Chris’s neck on the line anyways? What do we think?

Also, why Angelina, Zooey and Shakira? Did Zooey and Shakira also lose men to the Title?

I was watching Modern Family late last night because it’s one of those shows I turn on when just flipping around, instinctively, and I liked it well enough in the first couple seasons but I was watching and remembering Mallory’s and Nicole’s TOAST STANCE about how all of the people are garbage people and all of the relationships objectively garbage relationships, as if each was specifically designed to torture both people in the relationship, and I was trying to defend it like, and the best I could come up with is that “it’s…representation for terrible gay relationships? at least now we are representing gay people in our terrible and cheesy comedies that focus largely on how much you hate the person who you are currently in a relationship with, right, it’s only fair they get in on that action” so yeah, I was trying and I couldn’t even convince myself so MODERN FAMILY = TRASH FIRE COSIGNED.

Was always a sickly type, as you well know, Mi'lady. Always wanted to do more than he could, more's the pity. Just so fearful thin and pale.

So completely, recklessly in love with his beautiful young fiancée, that he was by her side constantly throughout her slow, painful death from her VERY contagious disease.

Also, this list would double for “what caused Men in historical romances to be completely, hopelessly debauched” …if they survive, of course, they tend to be ruined but for the love of a (new) woman.