@Adam

My problem is that it was released in 2009 and Platinum Dunes made a film that looks and feels like it came out in 2004. It's cornball MTV-jock filmmaking of the highest order. PD has no clue about the zeitgeist, and you're right, the F13ths from the early/mid '80s reflected their time period perfectly. That's why fans get off on the nostalgia factor, but this doesn't explain the series longevity nor why they are semi-important films. And I'm not getting into that on a DVD post.

It's hilarious to me that here we have an iconic character of American cinema---name another character that never talks and stars in this many movies, even Godzilla became vocal occasionally----and writers like you, Ryan Rotten and Devin Faraci continue to insist that an amazing F13th is not possible. And if that's pushing it, you all insist that it's pointless for fans to request one from a studio with the resources. You seem to get off on this film being much less than what it should be. It's shoddy film criticism.

@Adam

Here is my lengthy in-depth essay on why PD's F13th failed on multiple levels and why Platinum Dunes' theatrical horror remakes, even for the slasher genre, are abysmal: <a href="http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/02/28/first-look-h2..." target="_blank">http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/02/28/first-look-h2...

@Adam

You still missed a "Voorhees" above.

Let's say you used to go to a fast food place. The fries were tasty (the girls), the burgers were juicy (the kills), the atmosphere was borderline campy but alluring for some reason (the setting, the tone). After a few pretty decent years, you know, for cheap fast food---consistent, hits the spot---a string of uncaring people take over. The place is run into the ground, it's even made into a "Space Burger" joint that you check out because it's so ridic.

And then, years later, some rich pricks take over from the local country club and they profess a love for the franchise's golden days and they promise that "they get the franchise." They market it like crazy to the youngs and the olds alike. They look like total wankers and sound like them too, but hey, their food and execution can't be worse than "Space Burger." After a while, you're kinda siked. Maybe they'll get it right.

Opening day, you go to the burger joint. It's packed. People are amped. You get the fries. They're soggy. Instead of super-cute waitresses on rollerskates and funny stoner waiters, you get generic bimbos from the CW and generic steakheads. The burgers (the kills) are undercooked, the patties are just thrown on, even the ketchup is just not right. People walk out feeling cheated. All of this friggin' hype and for what? These country club twattts, with all of their resources, money, and connections, can't even get a burger and fries right. They promise they'll reopen. They say they now realize their mistakes. They fly in a lot of press, promise to put them in commercials and fly them out to other franchises, and all of a sudden: there is a lot of questionable spin.

Do you write a dissertation on why you liked the old place? No, you friggin' complain and you hope that a lot of longtime fans voice up as well so that next time: they either get it right or new and better people take over who get the franchise.

That said: You're asking ME to get into detail about why I didn't like PD's F13th compared to the other films? Um, I wrote a 2,000 word essay on Slashfilm about why I hated it. You wrote a tiny paragraph that basically says, "You like movies that suck. This movie sucks. Shut up." Great job. Enjoy your lame fries.

@Adam

I think you're way off base with yr F13th mini-review/tirade. It's like getting mad at an '80s rock fan because s/he thinks Winger sucks (and, um, Winger sucks) or wanted David Lee Roth and they got Van Hagar. Or wanted tasty fastfood and they got wet fries. Also, learn to spell Voorhees before you rip the fans who asked for more. ;) Clearly, F13th opened huge because a helluva lot of people wanted a definitive Jason movie after so much dreck. Platinum Dunes---jock crowd pleasers that they are---just gave them boring shite and annoying tanning bed clones.

@Infrafan

Nice observation. I'll add to the post. @Jakeson I share your paranoia. This IS going to happen.

@Happy_Evil_Dude

FYI From Wikipedia: "Platinum Dunes is a skin-grafted entity/horror production house pock-marked by lost souls and money hungry producers. Due to typical lethargy, the PD entity occasionally releases statements to the press as such." I will correct this once.

You are a fucking diary thief.

@Anrkist @whatareyoudoin2myson

There are tentative plans to release a combined-DVD of Best Worst Movie and Troll 2, complete with commentaries and features. Best Worst Movie is still touring the festival and press circuit, but we'll update accordingly if anything is officially announced.

Terrible news imo. At least Ratner's version would have lived on in infamy as superlative garbage. And I'll always wonder what hard-R Conan films from Robert Rodriguez, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, and Rob Zombie would have looked like. Bummer.

@jaybee

I'm glad you picked up on this, because I did as well. I originally hinted at the connection and significance of Russell being a boy scout in regards to the "Kevin Theory" in the piece by italicizing those very words. However, it seemed like a fringe idea that could easily offend some of our readers. That said, perhaps it was too vague. I've gone back and clarified on this point in the piece. Thanks.

Oh, NOW I get it. :P

I'll correct, thanks.