62 comments posted · 0 followers · following 0

521 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Expectations, suppress... · 0 replies · +1 points

The 10,000 hours is interesting. We seem to need to quantify everything. Devin was sent to the Warldorf school. report cards speak of progress, but nary a grade in there. It took a while to adjust to that. He is doing well, is that an A well or a B well? Quantify, quantify, quantify.

You are not an expert until you reach the 10,000 hours. I started writing this blog when we gor out of hospital, around the middle of September 2009. The compliments on the writing style started pouring in almost immediately. I was humbled and surprised to say the least. I have never done anything like this before. Me, a writer, surely not. Yet, here we are still hearing what amazing story telling telling qualities I have. Compliments about my writing coming from a story teller such as yourself are even more valued.

Regrets are interesting. We came to Canada n 1968. Culture shock does not begin to describe what was going on inside of us. We did not have the tools to describe what we were going through, or deal with it in any way. We shut down oblivious to the amazing possibilities that the country offered. The regret is not so much in not becoming an artist, but failing to realize that we have other possibilities in front of us than becoming a doctor or accountant. I would love to have no regrets whatsoever, but that ain't happening anytime soon. To make matters worse, Janet has encouraged me repeatedly to chuck everything and explore the artistic side. She saw through it so clearly. I missed a second opportunity. That is a regret I have to live with.

Thanks for the comment.

523 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Dear Iggy, · 0 replies · +3 points

This comment is from my cousin Mastaneh who lives in Iran. She sent me an eMail and has allowed me to transfer it to the site.
spirituality, moderation detachment, consciousness ... all relative concepts.
What I can say is that we all have so many layers that changes over
time as well , most of it is unknown even to ourselves. It is not
clear at all. I do not see any black or white, just a world full of
different shades of grey.
I suppose I relate spirituality very much with religion and it
somehow gives me rash. In my opinion, there is no good religion. It is
always a better interpretation. Which means a wiser look that can make
a religion fruit ful to certain number of people for a certain period
of time. But on the other hand I look at spirituality as the essence
of all religions and perhaps if it was possible to have it without any
religion, it would have improved the quality of people's life. Very
idealistic of course.
With detachment I do not have much problem. I am not that much
attached to material things. It is easy to say that of course because
I have never been poor or starved. I have always liked comfortable
life but getting rich has never inspired me to do anything.
Moderation, yes, I think it helps us to go back to the track after
different messes we make with our lives to keep some sort of sanity.
Consciousness: I do not know if I am conscious or not but I do accept
responsibility for whatever I have done and never put the blame on
someone else. I know at least this is a good and healthy thing. It
makes you see better. I guess this has got to do wih consciousness. I
liked what you said about noticing how your action has affected your
beloved ones and if needed trying to fix it.

523 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Dear Iggy, · 0 replies · +3 points

I think living every day in a fully aware state would drive you into an asylum. We nned protection from the trials and tribulations of daily existence. There is a balance to be achieved in there somewhere. My father died in a fiery car accident in South Africa. We went there to bury him. One of the doctors who had looked after him said to us, you know he felt no pain. Having by then seen the body, and the car, I was, to say the least, a bit skeptical. He explained that the mind shuts down when it feels great adversity descending on the body. It is a protection mechanism that removes all pain from an impending situation. I have to wonder how often that happens in life. Whether that is what we talk about when we say a situation has left us numb, unable to react adequately.

We should be a lot more easier on ourselves. Good and bad stuff happens all the time. We cannot afford to dwell on a lot of this stuff. The trick, is to be able to separate what needs our attention and what does not. It sometimes feels as if we have left things too late. This experience has shown me that this is rarely the case. A lot of life can be redone. Adversity that was created by our actions can be reversed. The language we choose at these times is supremely important.

I taught people how to use computers for a number of years. We have a tendency of explaining something to the students and then say something like, do you understand what I am saying? We do this all the time. Listen to yourself when you express something that you might think you did not explain properly. Using those words places the onus of understanding on the listener. You are basically saying, I am clear, you have to understand, and if you don't, then there is something wrong with you. Changing that last question to, Am I making myself clear? Removes the onus from the listener and places the responsibility back on your shoulders. That simple change relaxes the listener. Oh, good, it is not me, it is him who should explain it again. I am not so dumb after all.

The same applies to making peace with people. Watch your words. One choice will exacerbate the situation, another will make peace. You have led a great life, undoubtedly stepped on some toes along the way. Don't dwell on it too much. Make peace with yourself first, then with others.

And, yes, talk to yourself in the peace and quiet of your home, or when taking one of your long trips.

Thanks for letting me attempt an answer to your question.

523 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Dear Iggy, · 0 replies · +3 points

People have mentioned that they get intimidated by other comments, and sometimes want to write in just to say ditto. I thought I would delay approving the comments to see what would happen. No changes. People are still not commenting! So I approved these today and am, on one of the rare occasions, replying to them.

523 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Dear Iggy, · 0 replies · +3 points

I have been very good at not putting any pressure on myself. The thoughts keep coming, some stay for a short trip, while others vaporize. As you know, since you live two doors away from me, some days are good, some not so, and we take advantage. y strength decrees short outbursts outside, then back home to be entertained by my visitors. Speaking of which...

523 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Dear Iggy, · 0 replies · +3 points

I concentrated on talking about material goods as opposed to worldly ones. Detaching oneself from ambitions and relationships and personal stuff as a whole, seems to me to create undue pressure, and possibly a false expectations of life as a whole. We have no idea what our soul consists of. What a makes soul complete? What fills up that bucket? Is being nice to people one of the components? In which case with detachment from relationship harm the soul?

The not knowing of this vital piece of information means that we have to temper everything we do, moderation in all things even if we do have the capability of moving the upper and lower bars of our expectations of moderation.

Detaching yourself at this time when I am contemplating death, from those that are near and dear to me is probably one of the most difficult and easiest things to accomplish. Hard and difficult because one cannot imagine for a second not being around. Surreal concept at the best of times. Yet, I am leaving which has brought a sense of serenity and calm to my space. I remember my mother saying it is always easier for the person dying. We are waiting expectant of the final result. Yes, we are all dying, just that we are not expecting to happen in short order.

Thanks for your comment.

525 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - A hard day - October 1... · 0 replies · +1 points

I wish I could say they are all wrong. The lungs are proving otherwise. And no refunds. The space is reserved for two.

538 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Picture of the week - ... · 0 replies · +1 points

It was a strange site located in the middle of a public market. Too accessible by far.

538 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Oncologist Visit - Wed... · 1 reply · +1 points

Like she will have anything to do with me! She runs and hides...

I might go swimming in the lake.

552 weeks ago @ ihavecancer.ca - Vision - or a lack of it · 0 replies · +1 points

The gown solution was brilliant because of its simplicity and the fact that existing gowns can be retrofitted.

This one is far more controversial and expensive making less attractive.