I always feel a little ashamed when I can't muster a good argument to defend myself and to defend people I care about or even just strangers who I know are struggling. Like you said, my mind just goes blank and all the statistics and rhetorical points I've read just evaporate from my brain. I also tend to just avoid people if I know they have opinions that are going to upset me. It's self-preservation, to an extent, especially when it comes to work. I mean, as I said above, if it's unlikely you're going to change any minds then there's no reason to put your job at risk.

It does feel cowardly, though. I feel like I have a responsibility to at least try to challenge people's assumptions, especially about issues that I have experience with. It sounds like something most people have to deal with at some time or another so at least we can commiserate. I'm so sorry you had to hear that guy's gross comments about rape and consent. It would really upset me to know I was working with someone like that.

Yeah, I decided it wasn't worth the effort to try and change their minds. Ugh, I can't imagine having to deal with racism and homophobia at work. I feel like that must be worse than just uncomfortable. Thanks for the sympathy. I'll try to avoid these conversations in the future. I saw where it was going and I should have just left.

I got caught up in an upsetting discussion with my boss and one of my coworkers.

Basically, I just had to hear about how people on welfare and unemployment are all lazy, entitled free-loaders who purposely have more children so that they can get rich from foodstamps.

(And, somehow, this conversation started with my boss proclaiming the USA to be the greatest country on earth.)

"They all have nice cars and Prada purses! They have cell phones! My cousin has five kids and she gets 800$ in foodstamps every month! Who needs $800 worth of food in a month?"

Someone with five kids, maybe?

and on and on.

I didn't really say anything. I didn't want to fight with my coworkers.

Of course when I asked if either of them had ever been on welfare or applied for unemployment they said no. Meanwhile I've used both.

My first hand experience of living on foodstamps was not relevant because the purpose of the conversation was not to get at the reasons that people use these services. The purpose of the conversation was comfort; they were reassuring themselves that they could never be in that situation.

It's terrifying to think that you could end up needing government assistance. So you tell yourself that the people who are impoverished must actually like it or that they deserve it.

It's victim blaming and it always has the same function no matter the context. If you can blame the victim then you don't have to look anywhere else for fault, like society (which could even make you complicit). If you can blame the victim then you can point to certain behaviors that they did that caused their situation. As long as you don't do those things, then you're safe. Not only that, but you get to feel smarter, superior, to those who allowed themselves to be victimized. And if you can convince yourself that victims actually enjoy being victimized, even better. You don't have to feel sorry for them and you get to feel even more superior because of course you wouldn't enjoy it; you're so much better than they are.

It's alarming to realize that anyone can find themselves in poverty (much like anyone can be raped). What's worse is realizing how disproportionately these situations occur in different demographics. Anyone can be impoverished, but some people are much more likely to experience poverty than others. If you admit that then you have to admit that there is something seriously fucked up about how our communities operate. And, again, that might mean you're complicit. (And that might mean that our community is not the greatest after all.)

It's like my only purpose in that room was as a means for the two of them to bond over my comparative ignorance and naivete. I wasn't expecting to be so upset but luckily I don't think it showed.

Okay I posted this on tumblr but I'm going to post it here too because I am really in need of. . . I don't know. Commiseration?

Mention of rape in the reply but that's not really what it's about. I just had a very one-sided conversation with a coworker and my boss in which they insisted that people on welfare are leeches who steal government benefits because they are lazy. And I can never think of what to say in these situations. I didn't want to fight because I generally like these people and I want to get along with them but I also want to stand up for myself and others who have used welfare. It occurred to me after I got home that what they were doing was victim blaming.

So, yeah. Impotent rantiness in the reply.

I was in Cebu a few weeks ago! I just snorkeled because I was too chicken to scuba dive. Did you ride in any tricycle taxis?

Yes! I loved it!

I forgot how much I'd been missing it but this episode brought it all back.

I'll have to rewatch it. I need to rewatch the Halloween episode too because I was a little lost in the continuity.

I want to quote it but there were too many good ones. It was such a funny episode and I love the direction all the characters are taking.

I think I must have missed (or forgotten) when the Monarch and 21 became such good pals because I was confused by the Monarch pining for him.

Yeah, I like this video! I've never seen the Ten Commandments, though. At least, not all of it.

And Whitney Houston!

I almost wish they hadn't included the scene with him on the mountain with the ten commandments. Only because it makes me think of all the bullshit he's going to encounter when he gets down from the mountain.

Aw, Aaron you old softie.